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Do you live in the Nicest Place in America?

Worst First Sentence

The annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest honors purposely lousy opening sentences for nonexistent novels. This entry from finalist Phillip Davies of Cardiff, Wales, gave us a very real laugh:

“Finally, after 97 long days adrift, Captain Pertwee was 
rescued, mercifully ending his miserable diet of rainwater and strips of sun-dried Haddock—which was 
actually far ghastlier than it sounded, what with George Haddock being 
his former first mate.”