Q: Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?
A: He'll dessert you.
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If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
I’m not vegetarian because I love animals. I’m vegetarian because I hate vegetables.
Q: How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow?
A: One if nobody’s looking.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change it and one to check for animal ingredients.
I wish I hated pizza as much as pizza hates me.
Definition of Calories: Tiny creatures colonizing your closet. They sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.
Q: What do you call a dumb omnivore?
A: A meathead!
Q: What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?
A: A beer in each hand.