I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories.—@sbellelauren
My snack got lost in my purse, so I guess I’m on a diet now.—@msgweni
The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—@behindyourback
“If you lose weight when you stop drinking Diet Coke imagine how much we’d lose if we stopped dieting.”—@JimGaffigan
My fitness coach told me to bend down and touch my toes. I said, “I don’t have that kind of relationship with my feet. Can I just wave?” —@KerryKatona7
It took a lot of will power. But I finally gave up dieting.
Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two…alone. —”Laugh Yourself Healthy,” by Charles Hunter
I keep trying to lose weight but it keeps finding me.
Definition of Calories: Tiny creatures colonizing your closet. They sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.
I have fillings in my teeth. My refrigerator magnets keep pulling me to the kitchen. That’s why I can’t lose weight.
My fitness goal is to get down to what I told the DMV I weigh.
Wouldn’t it be so great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?
Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.
Hey, Lady! Want to drop 5 pounds? Let go of the purse.
What do you get when you put the right amount of meat and vegetables on a scale? A balanced meal.
It took a lot of willpower, but I finally gave up dieting.
How do most people curb their appetite? At the drive thru window.
If you are what you eat … I need to eat a skinny person.
“I gave up jogging for health reasons. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.”—Judy Franconi
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley