Jokes Section

Q. Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? A. No, they had an apple!

Q. What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love? A. “I found the perfect match!”

Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love? They’re getting married in the spring!

Q. Why do skunks love Valentine’s Day? A. Because they’re scent-imental creatures!

Q. How are stars like false teeth? A. They both come out at night!

Q. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot? A. A walkie-talkie!

Q. What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant? A. Swimming trunks!

Q. Why aren’t dogs good dancers? A. Because they have two left feet!

How did the telephone propose to its girlfriend? He gave her a ring.

How do you prevent a Summer cold? Catch it in the Winter!

Q: Erin, spell mouse.
A: M O U S.
Q: Yes–and what’s on the end of it?
A: A tail?

Was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill.People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.

What do you get a hunter for his birthday?

Q: What do planets like to read?
A: Comet books!

Q: What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?

A: All that was left was de brie. 

What does a clam do on his birthday?

Q: What type of market should you NEVER take your dog? A: A flea market!

Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?

Q: Which dog breed is guaranteed to laugh at all of your jokes?

A: A Chi-ha-ha!

Corny jokes are a-maize-ing.

Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?

Q: What did sushi A say to sushi B?

A: Wasabi!

I quit my job at the helium factory today.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

When I was born, I was so surprised.

It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow.

Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.

What do you always get on your birthday?

Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one?

Why do we put candles on the top of birthday cakes?

What sort of birthday cake do ghosts prefer?

What do you say to a kangaroo on its birthday?

Q: What do you call friends who love math? A: algebros

Q: What do you call a number that can’t keep still? A: A roamin’ numeral.

Q: What does the zero say to the eight? A: Nice belt!

Q: How is an artificial Christmas tree like the fourth root of -68? A: Neither has real roots.

Q: Why did the two 4’s skip lunch? A: They already 8 (ate)!

Q: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples? A: A middle school math problem!

Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children? A: `I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times…’

Q: How do you know when you’ve reached your Math Professors voice-mail? A: The message is “The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again…”

Q: What did 2 say to 4 after 2 beat him in a race? A: 2 Fast 4 U!