Jokes Section

I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it because the thief spends less than my wife.

I’m currently boycotting any company that sells items I can’t afford.

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.

I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade”.

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.

You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there’s no real difference between me and George Clooney.

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.