Customer Service Jokes

Test your sales humor with these customer service jokes.

Customer service: We’ve all been there. Get a laugh out of our collection of call center jokes and funny customer service jokes.

Misdirection

Customer: Pardon me, I’m lost. Me: What are you looking for? Customer: I’m looking for Milkjer Boulevard. Me: I’ve never heard of it. Can I see your directions? Customer: Sure....

Sales Opportunity

As I shopped, the following announcement came over the department store’s PA system: “If someone here has a convertible with the top down, it just started raining. Towels are located...

Proper Pronunciation

I bought a pint of  Häagen-Dazs ice cream at the supermarket. As the cashier rang it up, I asked, “How do you pronounce that?” Speaking slowly and distinctly, he said,...

Fitness Questionnaire

My friend sat down with a new client at her gym to review her application. For the question “To what do you attribute your fitness issues?” the woman wrote “Horrendous...

Drive-Thru

I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru. There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window. “We’re still serving breakfast. And you have...

Single Girl Blues

“I’ll never find the right guy,” I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh. “Don’t give up,” urged an older woman. “Every pot has a lid.” “Or,” a...

Trash Service

Instead of saying, "And here's your receipt," cashiers should say, "Will you throw this away for me?"

Bookstore Guidance Needed

In some quarters, bookstores may be considered dinosaurs, but odd customers are evergreen, as these requests to bookstore clerks prove. "Can you tell me who the author of Shakespeare is?"...

Customer Service

If the customer is always right, then why isn’t everything free?

Special Pie

I was looking at the pies offered by a nearby café. They had cherry, apple, berry, peach, and Herman’s. "What type of pie is Herman’s?" I asked the waiter. "Apple,"...

Time for a New Job

Scene: A phone conversation between a client and me—an art director. Me: Hi. I was wondering if you received the invoice I sent? Client: Yes, I received it, but I...

Menu Options

A customer pulled up to my drive-through window at the fast-food restaurant where I work and requested something from the lunch menu. "I’m sorry, but it’s 10:15," I told her....

Christmas Shopping

A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of...

Overseas Help

Days after we invaded Marja, Afghanistan, one of my Marines found out his wife hadn’t paid the cell phone bill. He called the company and asked how he could settle...

The Odd Complaint

One woman raved about the rides at our water park, but she did have a valid complaint: "The water in the wave pool tastes horrible!"

In Canadian

Scene: A gas station in Canada Customer: Excuse me. Why won’t my debit card work on the pump? Owner: Are you using an American card? Customer: Yes. Owner: American cards...

Quiet Starbucks

It's so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.

Pizza Delivery

I was delivering pizzas when I fell hard onto the sidewalk. Seeing me sprawled on the ground, my concerned customer yelled, "Oh, no! The pizzas!"

Doing Business

As a salesperson, I do a lot of business over the phone. One man who called to place an order had a nice voice, so when he asked if I...

TMI

The waitress was refilling cups of coffee when she stopped at the table next to ours. "Regular?" she asked her customer. "Yes, thank you," said the man. "Due to a...

Tales From the Bookstore

A woman stopped by our customer-service desk and asked me for a copy of the book that has Jesus in it. After much back-and-forth, I determined that she wanted the...

The Right Tie

While we were working at a men’s clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband’s blue eyes stand out....

Weight Loss Hotline

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.

Buying a Puppy

A woman at my friend's pet shop pointed to a Labrador puppy. "I want that one," she said. "But I don't want the floor model."

Other Options

A shoe store customer liked a pair of Reeboks but wasn't completely satisfied. So she stopped an associate and asked, "Does this come in a Nike?"

Offering Help

A patient at the dental office where I work stopped by my desk to pay her bill. She began rummaging through her purse, as so many patients do when they...

The City of Brotherly Lies

Tour guides get bored spewing the same facts everyday. So these Philadelphia guides rewrote history. "Trees were planted along streets so illiterate people would know the names of the streets....

Exit Interview

After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" My answer: "Birth control."

Wrong Direction

I answer a lot of questions at the information desk at Olympic National Park, in Washington State. But one visitor stumped me: "Do you have any trails that just go...

Table Talk

A customer called our rental store to ask about rectangular tables. I told him we had six-foot and eight-foot tables. His response: "What's the difference?"

Full of It

Our coworker Patrick shared his worst workday ever. He was at an appliance store and the delivery truck had broken down, which meant he was flooded with angry phone calls...

Fishing

After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress. "About the salmon entrée, is that a steak or a fillet?" "Neither," she said. "It’s a fish."

Blindsided

Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs. One suggests lunch. The other says, "They won’t let us in a restaurant with pets." Undeterred, the first guy and...

Safe Haven

Safe Haven Small Animal Hospital 24 Hour Veterinary Service Bill Mosley, DVM 200 E. Norway 936-4798 Hunters Welcome!

Apples and Pineapples

After a number of attempts to get the customer service agent on the phone to understand his name, my Asian American friend Appappa decided to spell it out. "A for...

Cleaning Up

Standing in line at a restaurant, I noticed that the few available tables left had not been cleaned off. I mentioned this to the cashier, who told the manager. A...

Self Serve

My husband, who uses a wheelchair, showed up at his eye doctor’s for an appointment. The receptionist checked the schedule, then said, "The nurse will call you in a moment....

Good References

A teller at our credit union was assisting a member with a loan application. "Do you have references?" she asked. The member replied, "Do they have to be living?"

4 Silly Tour Guide Questions

Think it’s easy being a tour guide? VisitBritain, a travel bureau, has compiled these tourist questions. "Is Wales closed during the winter?" "Why did they build Windsor Castle on the...

Point of Service

At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion. One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room,...

Helpful Suggestion

It was a busy lunch hour, made longer by one of my customers who couldn’t make up his mind about what to order. After loudly polling everyone at his table,...

A Unique Home

I took a real estate client to a handyman special. The place was great, and we couldn’t understand why it was so cheap, until we turned on the water main...

Comic Conductor

Halfway between New York City and Washington, D.C., the train’s engine fell silent. “I’ve got good news and bad news,” the conductor announced. “The bad news is we lost power.”...

Numb Mouth

Fresh from a visit to the dentist, I decided to stop at my bank. Barely able to enunciate, I told the teller, “I’m sorry about not speaking more clearly. I’ve...

Following the Instructions

I provide technical support for the computer software published by my company. One day, over the phone, I was helping a customer install a product on a Macintosh. The procedure...

Achy Back

An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief. After a search I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with...

Job Title

My new credit card arrived in the mail with a large sticker on it, giving the phone number to activate the card. I called the number and got one option:...

Painting the Car

Hal’s handyman wasn’t the swiftest guy on earth. But he was cheap, and so was Hal, which is why he hired the guy to paint his porch for $50. “You...

Security Questions

It was the standard series of check-in questions that every traveler gets at the airlines counter, including, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" "If it was...

The Right Language

Calling for information about one of my credit cards, I got the following recorded prompt: "Please enter your account number as it appears on your card or statement." I did...

Wrong Announcement

I work at a department store where every night at closing time one of our customer-service representatives reminds shoppers over the public-address system to finish their shopping. One evening, a...

A Long Wait

Heard on my cable company's answering machine:

"We realize you are still holding. Please do not hang up, as this will further delay your call." xml

Advertising in the Wrong Places

My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at self-promotion. So when an advertising salesman offered to put my father’s business placard in the shopping carts of a...

Old McDonald

While waiting in line at the Department of Vehicle Services for my new license plate, I heard the clerk shout out, “E I E I O.” “Here,” the woman standing...

Sounding it Out

A man called the phone company to complain about his listing in the directory. "I told you that my last name is Sweady," he said, "but you have it listed...

Surprising Phone Call

Working as a telemarketer for MCI Communications, I made a call to a Minnesota home one evening. When a boy around eight answered the phone, I identified myself, told him...

Understanding the Terminology

Sitting in the first row of coach class during a lengthy flight, my wife and I were able to hear a flight attendant as he pushed a wine cart down...

Afternoon Loving

When our air conditioner broke down, we called for a serviceman to come and take a look at it. It turned out to be a high school classmate of my...

Slow and Steady

There were only two people in line ahead of me at the electronics store, yet the wait was dragging on forever. Finally the customer behind me muttered, “Mr. Hare must...

Weighting Around

A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally...

Losing Things

I sold an item through eBay but it got lost in the mail. So I stopped by my local post office and asked them to track it down. "It’s not...

Missing Number

While away on business, a colleague and I decided to catch a movie. As we approached the theater, we read the marquee. It bore the name of the feature film...

Rolling Around

My husband, who is an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: “Check for clunking noise when going around corners.” Taking the car out for a test drive, he...

Smelly Situation

I called my local utility for help with a minor malfunction in my outdoor gas grill. Their automated phone system put me on hold for over 20 minutes. As I...

Temperature Issues

One afternoon, while touring the Canyonlands of southern Utah, my husband and I pulled into the only hotel in a small town. While signing the register, we asked the young...

Airplane Confusion

My flight was delayed in Houston. Since the gate was needed for another flight, our aircraft was backed away from the terminal, and we were directed to a new gate....

Denied

My wife received a credit-card application in the mail that she had not requested. She didn’t want it, but I did. So I crossed off my wife’s name on the...

Disloyal Customer

The aquarium shop where I work has been in business for more than 20 years. One Sunday a customer called wanting to buy a larger aquarium. "And by the way,...

Muscially Challenged

The generation gap proved glaringly obvious at the mail-order music company where my wife works as a customer service representative. Some college students, who were working part-time inputting customer information,...

Not Very Helpful

During a shopping trip to a department store, I was looking around for a salesperson so I could pay for my purchase. Finally I ran into a woman wearing the...

One Stinky Promise

On the back of a septic-service company truck: "Satisfaction guaranteed, or your merchandise cheerfully refunded."

Personal Problems

After being on the phone forever with a customer who had been having difficulties with a computer program, a support technician at my mother’s company turned in his report: "The...

Small Print, Big Problems

During the mortgage closing on our summer house, my wife and I were asked to sign documents containing small print. When I asked if I should read it, my attorney...