Dad Jokes
Every day is Father’s Day with these funny dad jokes.
Show dad you care by sharing his humor. Our collection of the best dad jokes and corny dad jokes will have both of you chuckling to yourselves.
Call ya later!
People Power
I advertised the following item on our local radio program:
For sale: Small push-type lawn mower. Brand-new, $40. One person called and asked if the lawn mower was a single or double cylinder. I told him, “It depends on how fast you walk!”
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Over Yonder
Natives of Baltimore, Maryland, my wife and I decided to move to the country in southwest Virginia for a change of pace. After we made the move, we started to notice little things about our neighbors. One we could not get over was how they gave directions.
When we asked, everyone said to go down yonder and go over yonder and go around yonder. We would say thank you, but when we got into the truck we’d look at each other and ask, “Do you know where yonder is?” So for the first year or so, we drove around in circles. Then the other day, while we were in town shopping, someone asked us for directions. As I told them where to go, it came to me all at once. It took some time, but yeah—now I know where yonder is. And the people there are all right.
Life With A Blonde Teenager…
What An Ugly Duck…
No Such Thing As A Free Yacht
A Real Gut-Buster
My Sword of Employer
My Kids Don’t Know What I Do
Dad’s Brilliant Business Plan
David Letterman on Halloween
Parenting Is Easy—I Swear!
A Trashy Career
Parenting, the Dad-Joke Way
Dad Jokes from Granddad
That's Not How it Works, Dad.
No. 1 on Our List — Literally!
Paternal Payback
Pop Vs. Pup
Papa Bear
What a Card!
Watch the Wash, Dad…
Say What, Dad?
Thanks for the Soda, Pop!
The Right Choice
“Dad?”
When I Was a Boy of 14…
Father’s Day is Important Because…
I Gave My Father $100…
I Got All My Looks…
He’s Hysterical!
Big Issues
Our priest asked how things were going with my father. "Well, he has issues," I replied, then shared a few details.
After listening, he said, "Issues? Sounds like he's got a year's subscription."
The Worst Part
The older one: "I hate my freckles from Dad."
Her unsympathetic younger sister: "At least you got his freckles. I got his eyebrow."
Acceptance
As we pulled into their driveway, my father-in-law was on the phone. "Oh, I have to run," he told the person on the other end. "My daughter-in-law and her husband just arrived."
Family Matters
Mixed Emotions
Going Overboard
A few weekends later, while river rafting with one of my sons, I was tossed out of the boat. As I floated in the rapids, I heard my son yelling, "It's the wrong day!"
Easy to Find
Finally one of my sons got a bright idea. He went to the phone and dialed; they found me immediately because my phone started ringing.
Dad's Pride and Joy
Overly Cautious
—Contributed by Zachary Gibbs
Double Decker
I never thought about the consequences of this little exercise until my wife took our son to a birthday party. When the boy's mother was handing out noisemakers she leaned over to Robert and asked, "Would you like one too?"
It took my wife a while to explain her way out of what happened next.
Eye Candy
When they got up to leave, Ryan watched them particularly closely. I was bracing myself for questions he might have when he turned to me and whispered, "Dad, can I take that candy bar those girls left behind?"
One Big Thanks
Then my friend got a cold dose of reality as he continued: "because my dad is so short."