Dumb and Funny Jokes

Make anyone laugh with these stupid funny jokes.

Why so serious? Unleash your silly side and read up on our dumb jokes and stupid but funny jokes.

Training Days

The U.S. Army Ranger School was more arduous than my nephew had expected. He had to subsist on meager rations, hike for miles carrying heavy packs and equipment, and survive...

Moving With the Season

Louie and his wife are listening to the radio when they hear the weather report: "A snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd-numbered side...

Spelling It Right

Q: What word is always spelled incorrectly?
A: Incorrectly!

Home Selling Mistakes

It’s tough enough selling a home nowadays. Don’t make the mistakes that turned off these readers on the City Room blog of The New York Times: • “It was a...

Smile!

I was driving when I saw the flash of a traffic camera. I figured that my picture had been taken for speeding, even though I knew I wasn’t. Just to...

Cause and Effect in the News

A newspaper editor missed this headline: "State population to double by 2040; babies to blame."

Lost in Translation

Dad passed away recently, and among the messages received by my mother was this e-mail from a great-niece: “Our thoughts are with you, Lucy. You and Chas are the last...

Water Broke

I answered a 911 call at our emergency dispatch center from a woman who said her water broke. "Stay calm," I advised. "Now, how far apart are your contractions?" "No...

The Stream

A motorist was driving down a rural dirt road when he came upon a stream. He called out to a man walking by, "Do you think I can drive my...

We Have Our Suspicions

"Police were called to Market Square for a report about a ‘suspicious coin.’ Investigating officer reported it was a quarter." "The Learning Center reports a man stands at his window...

Crossing the Street

When my friend spotted a blind man and his guide dog at a crosswalk, she stopped her car and waved them on. "Uh, Cynthia," I said, "he can’t see you."...

Make it Stop! 13 Fads That Have Got To Go

13 things we're saying, doing and naming our kids that are now totally uncool.

Gassing Up

When my father ran out of gas, he called my mother to pick him up in her car. They went to a gas station, filled a gas can, and returned...

Odd Jobsite

On his way to perform at a graveside service, the bagpiper gets lost. After many wrong turns, he finally arrives, but the minister and mourners have already gone. Only the...

Movie Quotes—The First Drafts

The Godfather: “I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse. Well, he can refuse it, of course. I just know that if someone were to make me an offer...

Water Colors

Tourists say some odd things when they charter my boat in Key West. "How many sunset sails do you have at night?" asked one. Another wondered, "Does the water go...

Top Secret

The Department of Defense has a Contact Us link on its website inviting readers to pose any question they want. One guy did just that: "So do you have any...

Comfortable

While I was planning a trip to Nova Scotia, a Titanic-related tour caught my eye. The description: “Learn of the Titanic tragedy along with a guided visit to the Fairview...

Waiting for Work

When I took my Weed Eater back to the home-and-garden store to get it fixed, I was asked if I wanted to wait until the job was done. "How long...

Good Records

The pay for this gig is whatever you can haul away: "Need someone to sit with elderly man. Must have excellent references and current police record."

Adventures in Title Writing

What’s the toughest part about writing a book? It’s deciding what to call it, as these finalists for the Diagram Prize for Oddest Book Title of the Year prove. Afterthoughts...

Casting Aspersions

A coworker stormed into my friend’s office, yelling, "Did you tell Joan I was a witch?!" Stunned, my friend sputtered, "No! I don’t know how she found out."

3 Funny Conversations Overheard at Dinner

Anyone can eavesdrop, but not everyone thinks to record conversations for posterity. We thank those snoopers who alerted overheardinnewyork.com to these: Guy: Your glasses can’t be bad—you just got them!...

Unlikely Problem

One of our visiting Italian students at Sheppard Air Force Base said he wouldn’t be able to fly that day. "Why?" his teacher asked. Marshaling all the English he knew,...

One Last Look

When a body was brought to her funeral home, my friend contacted the next of kin. Per previous instructions, the deceased would be cremated, she told him, so he needed...

Qualified

Medical transcription requires a keen ear for technical jargon. But one applicant insisted she was singularly qualified for the position. After all, she wrote in her cover letter, "both of...

Meet the Madmen of Pranks

Learn how they pull insane hoaxes and outrageous stunts in the name of good comedy.

Identification

After finishing his meal, my grandfather, a retired Marine captain, asked the waitress for the 15 percent discount the restaurant offered veterans. "Do you need to see my military ID?"...

Shower Talk

One of our hotel guests complained to me about a spraying showerhead: "I can't get in the shower without getting wet!"

Brain Food

The worst ad campaign ever, spotted at a Mexican fast-food restaurant: A sign behind the counter read "It's a fact tacos is brain food."

Unfamiliar

Today, while playing "20 Questions" with my friend, I asked, "Monsters or aliens?" She gave it some thought, then responded, "Well, I’ve never actually met a monster, so I’m going...

Tracking the Argument

Three dolts are in the forest when they spot a set of tracks. Dolt No. 1 says, "Hey, deer tracks!" Dolt No. 2 says, "No, dog tracks!" Dolt No. 3...

Misguided

As he trained troops at Fort Dix, New Jersey, my brother-in-law noticed that one medic was hopeless on the firing range. "You better learn how to fire your weapon," he...

Nearly There

Driving in Ohio, we spotted a sign that said "Wildlife Refuge." Seeing a dead deer lying in front of it, my husband shook his head. "He almost made it."

Dark Room

On a nighttime visit to his brother’s base, my son Joe was impressed by the large airplane hangar in which Billy worked. But when Billy led him through another door,...

Criminal Law

A man is on trial for armed robbery. The jury comes back with the verdict. The foreman stands, clears his throat, and announces, "Not guilty." The defendant leaps to his...

The Fringe Benefits

After I applied for jobs at both a library and a shoe store, my husband said he hoped that I’d get the one at the store. "It would be nice...

The Last Facebook Status Update

Frank Ferri … is standing over a patient in the operating room, scalpel in hand, wishing he hadn’t lied on his résumé about being a surgeon. Here goes nothing …...

Check One

Some people might object to filling out the part of our company’s job application form that asks "Race." Not one guy. He responded, "Only on the interstate."

The World’s Dumbest Criminals: The Inanity Defense

Every year we track down the dumbest criminals in the world. Thinking of joining their ranks?

Spelunking

I was leading a tour through Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico when a woman asked, "How many miles of undiscovered passageways are there in this cave?"

Noise Makers

With a party going full bore in the apartment above his, my friend could forget about getting any sleep. The next day, he spotted the offending party giver. "Didn’t you...

Simple Directions

Despite his low opinion of lieutenants, the sergeant kept a respectful tone as he taught us how to bail out of a plane in an emergency. "Sirs, to open the...

Police Blotter

Suspicious person: Officer made contact with a man walking backward down a street. When asked, the man told the officer he did not want anyone sneaking up on him.

Self Promotion

Waiting my turn to enter a rotary intersection, I noticed a guy drive around twice, then leave by the same road he’d entered. His vanity license plate read "GENIUS."

Conference Call

During a conference, I was pleasantly surprised to be seated next to a very handsome man. We flirted casually through dinner, then grew restless as the dignitaries gave speeches. During...

Honesty

During a job interview at my granddaughter’s pharmacy, an applicant was asked, "Have you ever been convicted of a felony?" "No," he answered. "My hearing is scheduled for next week."

Drawing Straws

When his drink arrived, my brother-in-law Keith asked the waitress for a straw. "Sorry, I’m out," she said, sounding irritated. "The customers won’t stop asking for them." "Well," joked Keith,...

Difficult Travel

Fog forced our Puerto Rico-to-New York plane to be diverted to Washington, D.C. As I left the cockpit, a passenger complained, "A little bit of fog never stopped a train...

A Little Early

"Baby born 10 months premature"

Common Thread

A middle school in New Ipswich, New Hampshire, encourages freethinking. A sign outside the school reads, "You are unique—just like everyone else."

Generous Boyfriend

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl’s mom says, "Dear, he doesn’t seem to...

Passing the Test

One time, I had to tell a candidate that we would not be able to offer him a job because his drug test had come back positive and ours was...

A Tad Late

A tour bus stops in Runnymede, England, and the guide says it was here that the Magna Carta was signed. "When did they sign it?" one passenger asks. "1215," the...

Truth in Advertising

Driving along a country road, I ignored a Bridge Out sign and continued on. But in a few miles I came to a stop: The road was completely barricaded. So...

Recycling?

Trying to do my share to help the environment, I set up a trash basket at my church and posted above it this suggestion: "Empty water bottles here." I should...

It’s a Toss-Up

A woman walked into the elevator tossing her keys up in the air and catching them. After one too many tosses, she dropped the keys, and we watched as they...

New Car Wash

My niece was thrilled to hear that a new car wash was opening up in her neighborhood."How convenient," she said."I can walk to it."

Great Writers

A customer at our bookstore asked me, "Do you have the original book Romeo and Juliet? My daughter needs it for school, and all I can find is the play."

Good for Ants

A garden center customer picks up a container of insecticide and asks the salesperson, "Is this good for red ants?" "No," says the salesperson. "It’ll kill ’em!"

Ridiculous Town Name

Two American tourists are driving through Wales. They decide to stop for a bite to eat in the village of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogo- gogoch.* Baffled by the name, one of them turns...

Extra Supervision

When hiring new staff at her public library, my daughter always asks applicants what sort of supervision they’d be most comfortable with. One genius answered, "I’ve always thought Superman’s X-ray...

Always Be Prepared

Seen on a marquee outside the Clinton Correctional Facility, a maximum security prison in Dannemora, New York: The Dannemora fire department reminds you it’s fire prevention week. Practice your escape...

Status Update

A customer walked into our insurance office looking for a quote. But first I had to lead her through a litany of questions, including: "Marital status?" "Well," she began, "I...

Congratulations!

When my coworker Donsa was promoted, we decided to celebrate. Her boss called the baker and ordered a cake. "Two questions," said the baker. "Is Donsa a man or a...

Time Difference

Try as I might, I just couldn’t get in sync with my insurance customer. When I asked if he lived in the Eastern or Central time zone, he answered, "We’re...

Send the Bill to…

Anyone traveling on business for our company must fill out an expense report. A field on the form asks for "name on credit card." One Einstein entered "MasterCard."  

Numb Mouth

Fresh from a visit to the dentist, I decided to stop at my bank. Barely able to enunciate, I told the teller, “I’m sorry about not speaking more clearly. I’ve...

A Classic Custodian

After inflating the playground balls, our school custodian, a classical music fanatic, had an odd habit of writing the names of famous composers on them. No one seemed particularly bothered...

Feeling Very Dumb

Spanish never came easily to my sister. Still, she did her best to communicate with the Spanish-speaking staff at the restaurant she managed. But when she made mistakes—and she made...

Bonus Points

The day before exams, four college roommates decided to stay up late drinking. Needless to say, they were late for class the next morning. But they thought they had a...

ID, Please!

A woman walked into our copy shop to pick up a large order. While there, she asked me to make a copy of her driver’s license, birth certificate and passport....

Bug Attack

Heading down the interstate,  our car passed through a huge swarm of gnats so dense that their bodies made popping noises as they hit the windshield. "I can’t get over...