Q. What rock group consists of four famous men, but none of them sing?
A. The faces on Mount Rushmore!
Source: Twenty Two Words
Jokes
Looking for funny jokes? Settle in: You're in the right place. From clean knock-knock jokes and the top corny jokes to hilarious one-liners and clever riddles, we've got the jokes guaranteed to bring on serious laughs.
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This One Might Take a *Lot* of Thought
Q. I have hundreds of wheels, but move, I do not.
Call me what I am: Call me a lot.
What am I?
A. A parking garage/"lot"
Source: Playbuzz
…Unless You Want to Be Wrong, of Course
Q. What question can you never answer "Yes" to?
A. What does "N-O" spell?
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All Ears
Q. What has hundreds of ears but can't hear a thing?
A. A cornfield!
Minty Fresh
Q. What do scientists use to freshen their breath?
A. Experi-mints!
Sick Zombie
Q: Why didn't the zombie go to school?
A: He felt rotten!
Vampire Fruit
Q: Which fruit is a vampire's favorite?
A: Neck-tarine!
Broken Pumpkin
Q: How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
A: You use a pumpkin patch!
Italian Ghosts
Q: What do Italian ghosts have for dinner?
A: Spook-hetti!
Dracula’s Dog
Q: What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?
A: Blood hound!
Cemetery Story
Q: Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
A: Because there are so many plots there!
Ghost Makeup
Q: What do female ghosts use to do their makeup?
A: Vanishing Cream!
Witch Hotel Guest
Q: What do witches ask for at hotels?
A: Broom service!
Interrupting Ghost
Q: What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A: "Spook when you're spooken to."
Ghost Glasses
Q: What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?
A: Spooktacles
Vampire Holiday
Q: What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?
A: Fangs-giving!
Skeleton Music
Q: What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A: A Trombone!
Mummy Music
Q: What genre of music does a mummy like the best?
A: Wrap!
Spooky Ghost Parents
Q: What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
A: His transparents.
Locked Cemetery
Q: How do you get inside a locked cemetery at night?
A: Use a Skeleton Key to unlock the gates!
Witch for Lunch
Q: What is the name of the witch who lives in the desert?
A: Sand-witch!
Panda Ghost
Q: What does a panda ghost eat?
A: Bam-BOO!
Halloween Recess
Q: What is a recess at a mortuary called?
A: A Coffin Break!
The Law of Coffee
If you sit down to enjoy a hot cup of coffee, then your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold.
Over-Caffeinated Kangaroo
Q: Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee?
A: She got too jumpy!
Coffee Snob
Barista: How do you take your coffee?
Me: Very, very seriously.
Up All Night to Get More Coffee
Sleep is a weak substitute for coffee.
So Much for Packing Light
Q: Why did the baby elephant need a new suitcase for her vacation?
A: She only had a little trunk.
If Hippos Could Talk
Hippo 1: You look like you’re gaining weight.
Hippo 2: That’s very hippo-critical of you.
Astro Fish
Q: Where are fish in orbit?
A: In trout-er space
Scrooge’s Favorite Pet
Q: Why did Scrooge keep a pet lamb?
A: Because it would say, “Baaaaahh humbug!”
Elephant For Hire
Q: Why didn’t the elephant get the job he wanted?
A: His qualifications were completely irrelephant.
Hope You’re Not Lactose Intolerant
1. Q: If you have 15 cows and 5 goats what would you have?
A: Plenty of milk!
The Hardest Working Chicken You’ll Ever Meet
Q: How long do chickens work?
A: Around the cluck!
Ghosts on Vacation
Q: Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
A: The Dead Sea!
Boo-tiful Hair
Q: What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
A: Sham-BOO!
At Least She Has a Good Sun Hat!
Q: What do you call a witch who lives on a beach?
A: A sand-witch
That Candy is for the Birds
Q: What do birds say on Halloween to get candy?
A: Twick-or-tweet
For Young Padawans
Q. What do you call a droid that likes taking the scenic route?
A. R2-Detour!
More is Less
Q. What five-letter word becomes shorter if you add two letters to it?
A. "Short" (add +"er")!
Sad Coffee
Q: What do you call sad coffee?
A: Despresso.
Let It Be
Q: What's the best Beatles song?
A: Latte Be!
Cup o’ Mud
Q: Why do they call coffee mud?
A: Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
Coffee Timeout
Q: How are coffee beans like kids?
A: They're always getting grounded!
Coffee Thief
Q: What's it called when you steal someone's coffee?
A: Mugging!
Coffee Computers
Q: How does a tech guy drink coffee?
A: He installs Java!
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Hipster Coffee
Q: How did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Always in the shop
Q: Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop?
A: To make ends meat
High Roller
Q: Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the casino?
A: He was on a roll!
Award-Winning Dessert
Q: Who's a dessert's favorite actor?
A: Robert Brownie, Jr.
Rich Kitty
Q: What do you call a cat that throws all the most expensive parties?
A: The Great Catsby
Smart Kitty
Q: What is a well-read cat's favorite book?
A: Of Mice and Men
Another bad cat joke
Q: Wanna hear a bad cat joke?
A: Just kitten!
Skeleton Chase
Q: Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
A: Because a dog was after his bones!
Skeleton Weatherman
Q: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain on Halloween?
A: He could feel it in his bones!
Lazy birds
Q: Why do birds fly south in the Fall?
A: Because it’s too far to walk.
Superman’s costume
Q: Why are all of Superman's costumes tight?
A: They’re all size S.
A Shoe-morous Joke
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Wooden shoe.
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?
Pumpkin Pedestrians
Q. Who helps little pumpkins cross the road on the way to school?
A. The Crossing Gourd!
Fishy Fitness
Q. Why are fish so good at watching their weight?
A. Because they have lots of scales!
Leopard Lunch
Q. What did the leopard say after finishing a delicious meal?
A. "That hit the spot!"
Horse Sense
Q. A horse attached to a 24-foot chain sees an apple 26 feet away. How can the horse reach the apple? A. The horse just walks over to it, taking...
The Elephant in the Room
Q. I'm the size of an elephant, but I weigh nothing. What am I?
A. An elephant's shadow!
We’re Not Kitten
Q. What does a cat have that no other animal has?
A. Kittens.
Capping It Off
Q. I have a neck, but no head, and I wear a cap. What am I?
A. A bottle!
How Cats Drive
Q: What kind of sports car does a cat drive?
A: A Furrari.
Beauty Cat
Q: What do you call a cat that’s a beauty influencer?
A: Glamourpuss.
Spoiled Kitty
Q: What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants?
A: Purrr-suasive.
Christmas Cat
Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas?
A: Santa Claws!
Under Arrest
Q: What do you call a cat that gets caught by law enforcement?
A: The purrpatrator.
Pretty in Purple
Q: What’s every cat’s favorite color?
A: Purrrrrrple!
Obsessed With Meowself
Q: What does the narcissistic cat say as she looks in the mirror?
A: I am pawsitively gorgeous.
Poor Kitty
Q: What did the cat say when he went bankrupt?
A: I feel so paw!
