The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my students took over. "Your hard drive crashed," he said. I…
I realized the impact of computers on my young son one evening when there was a dramatic sunset. Pointing to the western sky, David said, "I wish we could click…
I was with a friend in a café when a noisy car alarm interrupted our conversation. "What good are car alarms when no one pays any attention to them?" I…
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Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Beets Beets who? Beets me!
My husband works for a high-tech company that uses a sophisticated robotic mail-delivery system. The robot makes mail stops by following a clear painted line on the hallway floor. Recently…
My sister Darlene has the courage—but not always the skills—to tackle any home-repair project. For example, in her garage are pieces of a lawn mower she once tried to fix….
My wife was in her gynecologist’s busy waiting room when a cell phone rang. A woman answered it, and for the next few minutes, she explained to her caller in…
I couldn’t decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. “Airfare to Denver is $300,” the cheery salesperson…
A pastor I know of uses a standard liturgy for funerals. To personalize each service, he enters a “find and replace” command into his word processor. The computer then finds…
Some New Yorkers were on a safari in the jungles of a little-explored faraway country when they were captured by cannibals. "Oh, yes!" the chief of the tribe exclaimed. "We’re…
During a job interview, a client of my employment-search company voiced his concern about work-life balance. "Spending time with my family is very important to me, and I’m just wondering…
Because he’s a chemist and I’m a personal trainer, my fiancé and I don’t always agree about what eating healthy means. I prefer foods with less fat and fewer calories….
The topic of the day at Army Airborne School was what you should do if your parachute malfunctions. We had just gotten to the part about reserve parachutes when another…
After my wife landed a coveted job offer from DHL, we went out of town to celebrate. While on our trip, she was contacted by the company’s human resources department…
Q: Who invented copper wire?
A: Two tax attorneys fighting over a penny.
Unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. She put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom. Later, when…
"I feel sorry for this soldier," joked my husband as he handed me a flier he’d found in our mailbox. It read: Lost CatBlack and whiteAnswers to NateBelongs to a…
As I stripped off my sweatshirt at the breakfast table one warm morning, my T-shirt started to come off too. My husband let out a low whistle. I took it…
A man and his wife were taking an afternoon drive through the countryside. They had just had a big argument and were not talking to one another. Finally the husband…
Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage cart. As my buddy reached for his…
The Windows Global Support Center cannot reach everyone.
Different rules apply between the hours of 2 and 4 a.m., I find. Things that would ordinarily not even qualify as mildly amusing will often, at 3 a.m., strike the ear as high comedy.
There is a special room in hell where the flames are extra hot and you must sleep sitting straight up. The sign on the door says: Reserved for People Who Reclined Their Seatbacks the Entire Flight.
More than once I have had my brain paralyzed by what psychiatrists call Old House Delusion Disease (OHDD). My wife and I bought an old house that had every known old-house problem, including termites, not to mention a grand total of one closet, and an entire room that had no electrical outlets — a clear indication that the house was not built by or for people with a need for, say, lighting.
Humor columnist Andy Simmons tries to get reacquainted with his macho side.
Humor columnist Andy Simmons attacks poison ivy.
Thank you for calling VeriCom Customer Care. Your call is important to us, though not as important as it is to you.
Laugh winter woes away with one of these witty springtime snippets!
The whole spa concept is foreign to me. I don’t cleanse my face; I wash it. I don’t “release toxins” or parole them or give
them time off for good behavior. Mary Roach on spas.
Share a laugh with the one you love.
“The French kiss each other twice, perhaps because no one else will.”
“One pesticide company tries to make ant death seem like a holiday in France. They have a product called Ant Cafe.”
“A bikini is not so much a garment as a cloth based reminder that your parts have migrated.”
Laugh more, live longer with the funniest jokes ever.