Q: Where do lightning bolts go on dates? A: To Cloud 9

Q: How can Santa deliver presents during a thunderstorm? A: His sleigh is flown by raindeer

Q: What do you call a month's worth of rain? A: England

Q: What do you call dangerous precipitation? A: A rain of terror

Q: What is a mountain's favorite type of candy? A: Snow caps

Q: What do you call a snowman with a six pack? A: An abdominal snowman

Q: How does a snowman get to work? A: By icicle

Q: What do snowmen call their offspring? A: Chill-dren

Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!

Knock Knock! Who's There? Snow! Snow who? Snow laughing matter.

Q: What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales? A: A snow-fake!

Q: What kind of math do owls like? A: Owlgebra

Q: What do snowmen eat for lunch? A: Icebergers

Q: What do you get from sitting on the snow too long? A: Polaroids!

You are like dandruff because I just cannot get you out of my head no matter how hard I try.

You are like my asthma. You just take my breath away.

My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive, who? Olive you, and I don’t care who knows it.

What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor? Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.

Why should you never break up with a goalie? Because he is a keeper.

Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day? Yes, it is February 14^th.

What happened when the two vampires went on a blind date? It was love at first bite.

What did one boat say to the other? Are you up for a little row-mance?

Why should you not marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.

What's the difference between love and marriage? Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener.

I was in the shop looking for a jacket to buy my girlfriend as a present. I couldn't decide which one to get, so I asked the salesman, "If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend, which one would you get? He said, "A bulletproof one. I'm married."

I said, "I love you so much. I could never live without you." My girlfriend giggled and asked, "Is that you talking or the beer?" I said, "It's me talking to the beer..."

My new girlfriend works at the zoo. I think she's a keeper.

What's the difference between love and marriage? Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.

I like to show my girlfriend who's the boss in our house. I do this by holding a mirror up to her face.

Never laugh at your girlfriend's choices. You're one of them.

I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

Q. What's St. Nicholas's favorite measurement in the metric system? A. The Santameter! By Briana, age 7

Q. Where do Christmas plants go when they want to become movie stars? A. Holly-wood!

Q. How do Christmas angels greet each other? A. "Halo!"

Q. What's red and white and falls down chimneys? A. Santa Klutz!

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has the worst manners? A. RUDE-olph, of course!

Q. What do snowmen order at fast-food restaurants? A. An iceberg-er and fries!

Q. What do snowmen do when they're not feeling well? A. They take a chill pill!

Q. You find me in December, but not in any other month. What am I? A. The letter D!

People act like the North Pole and the South Pole are exactly the same, but really, there's a whole world of difference between them.

Q. What did the peanut butter say to the grape on Christmas? A. "'Tis the season to be jelly!"

Q. What's a sheep's favorite Christmas song? A. "Fleece Navidad"!

Q. What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime? A. "Season's bleatings!"

Q. What's Santa Claus's favorite type of potato chip? A. Crisp Pringles!

Q. Why couldn't the astronaut book a room on the moon? A. It was full!

Q. What's Jack Frost's favorite part of the school day? A. Snow and tell. By Joshua S., Lafayette, Ind.

Q. Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee? A. Because they're Santa's star bucks!

Did you hear the one about the little mountain? It's hill-arious!

Q. What's a banana peel's favorite type of shoe? A. Slippers!

Q. What does the Gingerbread Man use to make his bed? A. Cookie sheets!

Q. What do you call an outlaw who steals gift wrapping from the rich to give to the poor? A. Ribbon Hood.

Q. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad? A. A pineapple! By Zoey Y., Flower Mound, Tex.

Q. What did the big flower say to the little flower? A. Hi, bud!

Q. If pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on? A. Scholar ships.

Q. What did sick people do on the Mayflower? A. They went to the dock!

Q. How is the alphabet different on Christmas from every other day? A. There's Noel!

Q. What's Santa Claus's favorite track & field event? A. North Pole-vaulting!

Q: When do you serve tofu turkey? A: Pranksgiving.

Q: What did the turkey say before it was roasted? A: Boy! I'm stuffed!

Q: Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? A: Because they never learned good table manners!

Q: What key has legs and can't open doors? A: A Turkey.

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: It was the chicken's day off!

Q: What do you call a running turkey? A: Fast food.

Q: Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down? A: Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.

Q: What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? A: The turkey trot

Q: What did the turkey say to the computer? A: Google, google, google!

Q: What do you call the age of a pilgrim? A: Pilgrimage.