Puns

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A: Gummybear

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

Want to hear something terrible?

Paper.

See? I told you it was tear-able.

Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.

(Credit: justbadpuns on tumblr)

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.

Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make up everything!

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…

It was tense.

An atom loses an electron… it says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out.  What a waste of thyme.

6:30 is the best time on a clock… hands down.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m.  I’m not really a mourning person.

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day.  A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Ray’s friends claim he’s a baseball nut. He says they’re way off base.

The public safety officer came up to a large mob of people outside a department store and asked, “What’s happening?”

A mall officer replied, “These people are waiting to get the new Barbie doll.”
The public safety officer shook his head and muttered, “Who can resist a Barbie queue?”