Religious Jokes

A human-resources director found herself at the Pearly Gates. "We've never had a human-resources director here before," said St. Peter. "So we're going to let you spend one day in heaven and one in hell, and you can choose where to spend eternity."

"I'll go to hell first and get it over with," said the HR director.

To her surprise she spent a wonderful day with her former fellow executives, playing golf on a beautiful course. The game was followed by a sumptuous meal at the clubhouse. When she returned to heaven, she spent her day there sitting in a cloud, playing a harp.

"Have you decided where you'd like to spend eternity?" St. Peter asked.

"Yes," she said, "heaven was great, but too boring. I choose hell."

"Okay," said St. Peter, "off you go."

This time when she arrived in hell, she found everything barren and desolate. Confused, she confronted Satan. "Where's the golf course?" she asked. "And where are my friends?"

Satan smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you; today you're staff!"

Our minister's sermon was about how the institution of marriage is under assault in popular culture. He cited the show Desperate Housewives .

"How many are going to watch the season finale this week?" he challenged.

When no one raised a hand, he smiled. "Nobody's willing to admit to being a fan?"

My mom whispered to me, "Actually, the finale was last week."

During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually not such a big boob."

The bishop rose to close the session and remarked, "That's okay. We like big boobs."