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3 Funny Recipes that are I.B.M.-Mmm-Mmm Good

Is there anything Watson can’t do? IBM’s super computer, the one that beat Ken Jennings on Jeopardy, has a new hobby—cooking. The Institute of Culinary Education in Manhattan fed Watson notes on ingredients, the chemistry of ingredients, a gaggle of recipes, and information on what smells good to most people. Watson took that information and concocted a few recipes of its own. With that in mind, here are meals we believe the world’s smartest computer is processing right now.

Baked Apple

What you’ll need:

1/4 cup brown sugar

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 cup chopped pecans

1/4 cup currants

1 Apple computer

1 Tbsp butter

3/4 cup boiling water

1. Preheat oven to 375°F. Remove hard drive from Apple computer. It helps if you have an Apple corer, but a paring knife will do.

2. In a small bowl, combine sugar, cinnamon, currants, and pecans.

3. Place Apple computer in a baking pan. Spoon mixture into Apple through available USB ports. Top with a dot of butter.

4 Bake for 30-40 minutes, until tender or casing has melted, but not mushy. Remove from the oven and baste the Apple with the toxic pan juices.

Serve warm with vanilla ice cream.

Shredded Hewlett Packard Tartare With Toasted CPU Processor Chips

What you’ll need:

3 medium oil-packed anchovy fillets, rinsed and minced

2 tsp. brined capers

3 tsp. Dijon mustard

2 large egg yolks

1 Hewlett Packard Computer

2 tablespoons finely chopped red onion

4 tsp. olive oil

3 dashes hot sauce (such as Tabasco)

4 dashes Worcestershire sauce

8 oz. CPU processor chips (such as Intel)

1. Toast CPU processor chips over high flame until golden brown. Remove from heat.

2. Combine anchovies, capers, and mustard in a nonreactive bowl.

3. Place Dell Computer on chopping board. Pulverize with ax.

4. Using a rubber spatula, fold all ingredients into mustard mixture until thoroughly combined. Season well with salt and freshly ground black pepper, and top with toasted CPU processor chips

Watson’s Dell-icious Chili Over a Bed of Ethernet Cables

What you’ll need:

1 Dell computer

1 can of kidney beans

16 oz. diced tomatoes

¼ tsp. cumin

¼ tsp. coriander

¼ tsp. chili powder

3 lbs. Ethernet cables

salt & pepper to taste

1. Boil Ethernet cables according to packaging.

2. Mix remaining ingredients into saucepan and cook under medium heat. Remove from heat when sparks fly. Serve warm over cables.

Reader's Digest
Originally Published in Reader's Digest

Andy Simmons
Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest.