All the Jokes My Dad Has Made During Quarantine
I've been quarantining with my parents for weeks. As you can imagine, the humor situation has gotten out of hand.
I have now been quarantining with my parents in Wisconsin for three weeks. We may all be going a bit stir crazy, but however low our stock of toilet paper seems to run, there’s one thing that’s not short on supply: dad jokes. Whether they make you groan or laugh, I thought I’d share my abundance of “dad jokes” with all of you.
“Dad, can I unplug your phone? It’s almost full and mine is dying?”
“No, you’ll have to go to Rhode Island. ”
“For a new port.”
Conversations like this with my dad remind me of these working from home cartoons that we can all relate to right now.
You know there’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Don’t worry, we’ve got plenty more short jokes anyone can remember.
What do they call it when someone sues over a cake?
We’re shaking our heads too. For equally bad groaners, try our collection of the corniest jokes we’ve ever laughed at.
When we get out of quarantine, I want to go somewhere with a bunch of cans of coke. Like Mini-soda.
Why was the peanut crying?
Because he was a-salted.
If you’re like me and trying to get work done at home, you’ll really appreciate these working from home memes that are hilariously accurate.
What does it mean when you find out the milk you just put on your Grape-Nuts has gone bad?
You’ve caught a cereal killer.
What do you call a Reader’s Digest editor that puts out a lot of stories?
A major league pitcher.
My new “coworkers” make a lot of jokes. But they aren’t nearly so chaotic as these times working from home with kids has gone hilariously wrong.
Justice is best served cold. Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
If you’re quarantining with your dad, too, might I suggest these 75 funny work cartoons that will get you through the week?
One guacamole is equal to 6.0221415×10^23 guacas. One might even call it, avocado’s number.
While very few people might enjoy a good math joke like this one, there are plenty of clever jokes that will make you sound smart.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because of the silent ‘P’.
For more dad hijinks, read about one father’s humorous quest to run for president of the house—his own house.
Why is editing a better job than writing?
It’s more rewording.
“Can you hand me some eggs? I need to come up with more dad yokes for you.”
For humor that isn’t so “dad-like”, try these funny Monday jokes that will get you through the week.
You like to tell dad jokes but you’re not a dad. You’re a faux pa.
Here are some more of our favorite one-liners.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of his life which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him frail. And with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him: a super calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis.
You know what’s really odd?
Numbers not divisible by 2.
This belongs with these bad dad jokes from Twitter you have to laugh at.
A frog goes into a bank for a loan. He ends up at the desk of Patricia Whack and says to her, “I want to borrow $500,000.” Patricia says “Well that’s a lot, the bank will need some sort of collateral.” So the frog takes a ceramic pig out its bag and sets it on Patricia’s desk. “Will that work?” Patricia takes the ceramic pig back to her boss’s office and explains the situation. “What even is this?” she asks her boss.
“It’s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan.”
We’ve got plenty more where that came from. Check out our favorite 50 bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at.