America’s Worst Waiters Tell You Their Valentine’s Day Secrets
We asked the worst waiters in America for pointers on dining out on Valentine's Day. Here is their advice.
Feel free to drink as much as you want.
It’s common knowledge that everyone is wittier, smarter, handsomer, thinner, and richer the more they knock back. Plus, we make most of our money off booze.
Propose to your date.
Warn us first, and we’ll seat you in the center of the room with a klieg light trained on you. This way, everyone can watch you pop the question. Should she turn you down, laugh and say, “Just kidding!” Then excuse yourself and leave through the back door.
Order a bottle of wine if you are both going to have more than one glass.
Bottles are always a better value. Box wine is even cheaper. And moonshine served in one of those plastic Chinese soup take out containers is cheaper still. Plus, there may be a lingering wanton aftertaste.