80 Funny Birthday Quotes Perfect for Cards
Updated: May 01, 2023
Look no further for hilariously perfect quotes for birthday cards
Why struggle to find the right words for the birthday card?
Birthdays are fun! Trying to find a good “happy birthday” message to write in a card, though? Not so much. But worry not, because there are many hilarious quotes you can choose from to make someone smile on their special day. Just look at 80 of our favorite birthday quotes, and you’ll definitely find one that fits your liking. Make sure you also check out the funniest quotes of all time—and the best birthday gifts for everyone in your life!
Funny birthday quotes for friends
1. “One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like since you’ve become harmless.” —Liz Smith
2. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” —Mark Twain
3. “There is still no cure for the common birthday.” —John Glenn
4. “Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” —Larry Lorenzoni
5. “Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” —Mark Twain
6. “A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.” —Erma Bombeck
7. “I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.” —Eva Gabor
8. “No, no, no can’t be. I distinctly remember. Your birthday was last year.” —Mother Gothel, Tangled
Check out these birthday puns for all ages!
Funny brother and sister birthday quotes
9. “You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” —Ogden Nash
10. “You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.'” —Jerry Seinfeld
11. “All the world is a birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.” —George Harrison
12. “Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.” —Groucho Marx
13. “Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” —Dr. Seuss
14. “No wonder I’m unhappy. My twin forgot my birthday.” —Jerry Dennis
For trivia fans, have you ever wondered about the origin of the birthday cake?
Funny 21st birthday quotes
15. “Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.” —Plautus
16. “Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.” —Jim Gaffigan
17. “A party without cake is just a meeting.” —Julia Child
18. “Today is the oldest you have been, and the youngest you will ever be. Make the most of it!” —Eleanor Roosevelt
19. “When a man is tired of life on his 21st birthday, it indicates that he is rather tired of something in himself.” —F. Scott Fitzgerald
20. “Youth is a disease from which we all recover.” —Dorothy Fuldheim
21. “Now that you’re 21, it’s time to stop playing video games and start designing them.” —Melanie White
22. “21 is a terrific age, maybe the best. Too bad you can’t be that old for the rest of your life.” —Greg Tamblyn
23. “Your 20s are your ‘selfish’ years. It’s a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible.” —Kyoko Escamilla
These funny inspirational quotes will also make you chuckle.
Funny 30th birthday quotes
24. “Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.” —Robert Frost
25. “After 30, a body has a mind of its own.” —Bette Midler
26. “When you turn 30, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents.” —Blair Sabol
27. “Thirty was so strange for me. I’ve really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult.” —C.S. Lewis
28. “Well, can I keep the presents and still be 29?” —Rachel Green, Friends
29. “Thirty is not that old! Do you know how old the earth is?” —Ross Geller, Friends
Check out these belated birthday wishes if you’re looking to make it up to your friend whose birthday you forgot.
Funny 40th birthday quotes
30. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.” —Lucille Ball
31. “They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.” —Malcolm Cowley
32. “Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.” —Tom Wilson
33. “Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.” —Mary Schmich
34. “A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.” —Robert Frost
35. “Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.” —Dave Berry
36. “As you get older, though, you realize there are fire extinguishers. You do have an ability to control the flames.” —Chaka Khan
37. “Turning the big 4-0, well, that can seem like a blow. No worries though, as 50 will be here before you know!” —Catherine Pulsifer
38. “Life really does begin at 40. Up until then, you are just doing research.” —Carl G. Jung
These hilarious text jokes will also lift your spirits.
Funny 50th birthday quotes
39. “Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.” —Harold Coffin
40. “A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.” —R.C. Ferguson
41. “Live your life and forget your age.” —Norman Vincent Peale
42. “Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.” —Ogden Nash
43. “The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you’ll grow out of it.” —Doris Day
44. “Happy Birthday to you, we hope that all year you never feel blue. Now that you are 55, we hope that you will survive.” —Marcia Goldlist
45. “When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.” —Mark Twain
46. “Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.” —Arthur Schopenhauer
47. “Looking 50 is great—if you’re 60.” —Joan Rivers
48. “Inside every older person is a younger person—wondering what the hell happened.” —Terry Pratchett
49. “Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!” —Kate Summers
50. “It takes a long time to grow young.” —Pablo Picasso
These greeting card stories are cute and memorable.
Funny 60th-plus birthday quotes
51. “Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.” —Golda Meir
52. “I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.” —Francis Bacon
53. “Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” —Daniel Francois Esprit Auber
54. “As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” —Sir Norman Wisdom
55. “First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.” —George Burns
56. “Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.” —Anthony Powell
57. “Of late I appear to have reached that stage when people who look old are only my age.” —Richard Armour
58. “Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” —Maurice Chevalier
59. “I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.” —Phyllis Diller
60. “If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” —Ubie Blake
61. “Don’t regret another birthday, the good news is that you are alive and can celebrate it.” —Catherine Pulsifer
62. “The good thing about getting older is if you don’t want to do something you can say, I’m too old to do that!” —Kate Summers
63. “Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.” —Kin Hubbard
64. “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” —Bob Hope
65. “The older you get the better you get, unless you are a banana.” —Betty White
Age, in itself, can also be pretty funny. If you’re enjoying these funny birthday quotes, you’ll also get a laugh out of these jokes about old age.
Funny spouse birthday quotes
66. “Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.” —Ogden Nash
67. “You’re in mint condition for a vintage model. Happy birthday!” —Catherine Pulsifer
68. “Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” —Pope John XXIII
69. “It’s sad to grow old, but nice to ripen.” —Bridgette Bardot
70. “You’ve heard of the three ages of man: Youth, middle age and you’re looking wonderful.” —Cardinal Francis Spellman
71. “The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” —E. Joseph Cossman
Want more laughs? Make sure to check out these funny song titles.
Funny wholesome birthday quotes
72. “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” —Oprah
73. “Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t.” —Richard Bach
74. “We don’t grow old. When we cease to grow, we become old.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson
75. “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” —Woody Allen
76. “Live as long as you may. The first 20 years are the longest half of your life.” —Robert Southey
77. “Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.” —Herbert Henry Asquist
78. “If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.” —Euripedes
79. “Don’t just count your years, make your years count.” —George Meredith
80. “Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.” —Dorothy Canfield Fisher
Here are some interesting things about the “Happy Birthday” song you never knew.
Originally Published: June 22, 2020
