25 of the Funniest Jokes on the Internet
The Internet is constantly churning out new gags, giggles, and spoofs, but we've saved you the trouble of looking by gathering up the funniest ones.
Grumpy Cat made a name for herself in 2012 when her dour puss struck a chord with like-minded humans. Kitties, it turns out, are the cat’s meow online, and former web editor Emily Huh has a theory why. Unlike dog owners, who can visit dog parks, “Cat owners don’t have a cat park where they can congregate to talk about their cats,” she told hellogiggles.com. In other words, the Internet is the dog park for cat people. For more laughs check out these 75 corny jokes you can’t help but smile at.
“As far as jails go, this is the crème de la crème. First off, you don’t even need a ride here. They pick you up from anywhere in the county. Sometimes they even get you out of bed and bring you, and it’s all free of charge.”
Yelp.com is one of many opinion machines that publish crowdsourced reviews of restaurants, hotels, and more. This writer was moved to satirize the form with a five-star shout-out to an unlikely resort: California’s Santa Rita Jail.
When music meets nature
“And here we see Dizzy Gillespie, storing jazz in his cheeks for the coming winter.”
This wisecracking (yet rather wise!) one-liner was left on a YouTube video about the jazz legend.
“We took this ball to the beach, and after close to two hours to pump it up, we pushed it around for about ten fun-filled minutes. That was when the wind picked it up and sent it hurtling down the beach at about 40 knots. It destroyed everything in its path. Children screamed in terror at the giant inflatable monster that crushed their sandcastles. Grown men were knocked down trying to save their families … Rumor has it that it can still be seen stalking innocent families on the Florida Panhandle.”
How a kid would send the Ten Commandments as a text message
Every day for 20 years, mcsweeneys.net has posted a new funny, like this heavenly one by Jamie Quatro from 2009.
Celebrating life’s little victories
“Success Kid” originated in 2007 when this boy’s mother posted a photo of him online trying to eat sand. The Internet wondered: What else could get this kid so excited? Thus was born a fist pump for every “Yes!” moment.
“My blind date arrived. She looks like something I’d draw with my left hand.”
“My mouth tastes like poor choices.”
These anonymous posts on textsfromlastnight.com prove (again) that the only thing worse than drinking too much is texting a friend about it later. Show off your brains with these 25 clever jokes that make you sound smarter.
Witty you doing on Facebook?
(Two Facebook friends held this global exchange.)
Amanda: Luisa, I am hungary.
Luisa: Maybe you should czech the fridge.
Amanda: I’m russian to the kitchen.
Luisa: Maybe you will find some turkey.
Amanda: We have some, but it’s covered in greece.
Luisa: Ew, there is norway you can eat that.
Amanda: I think I’ll settle for a can of chile.
Luisa: I would love a canada chile as well.
Amanda: Denmark your name on the can.
Facebook was founded in 2004 by Mark Zuckerberg and friends in their Harvard dorm room. Now everyone—from kids to parents to Russian trolls—has a Facebook account on which they can whine or heckle whomever they like.
Meow of the wild
“Sandra, can you open this thing, bit of a situation here.” —@AlsBoy
This decade, Pinterest quickly became the place for users to share photos of their favorite crafts and inventions. That prompted the invention of pinterestyouaredrunk .com, which posts its LOL favorites, including the bra planter, knit long johns, and “picnic pants.” These are the funniest jokes about all 50 states.
One-liners written in the shower
“Your stomach thinks that all potatoes are mashed.”—poopypiratemcgee
“They should announce a sequel to Groundhog Day and then just rerelease the original.”—FlyLikeAMouse
“This ‘spring forward’ thing would be a lot more popular if we moved the clocks ahead at 2 p.m. on Monday.”—Wobbles42
These posts are from “Showerthoughts,” a channel on reddit.com that proves that not all “Redditors” are mad.
Daddy, can you come out and play?
Created in 2005, YouTube is now the world’s largest video-sharing site. Today, almost five billion videos—from hair-washing tips to bleating goats that sound like men—are watched on the site every single day.
The image above is from a clip that has been viewed tens of millions of times. During a live interview on the BBC, American professor Robert Kelly is discussing the 2017 impeachment of the South Korean president. Kelly has been talking for just over two minutes when his four-year-old daughter saunters in, upstaging him. Trying to save the interview, the professor shunts her to the side.
Not only won’t she be dismissed, but a few seconds later, reinforcements arrive in the form of her infant brother, toddling along in a baby walker. With his train of thought clearly having gone off the rails, the professor is then seen pausing, either trying to gather himself or contemplating his next career move.
But there’s hope! His wife bursts in and drags the kids out of the camera’s view. She then crawls back in on hands and knees and closes the door behind her. But in his Mona Lisa smile, Kelly seems to know that his adorably disruptive family has just gone viral.
Phony baloney headlines
“World’s scientists admit they just don’t like mice”
“Eminem terrified as daughter begins dating man raised on his music”
“40,000 pounds of salsa spill on I-10 near Cabazon, California. CHiPs respond.”
“ime travel. Quantum experiment proves t”
Because the Internet is where most of us get our news, it’s a great source for parodies too. The first two headlines are from the satirical site theonion.com. The last two are from fark.com, a news aggregator launched in 1999 that invites “Farkers” to write funny headlines for the news. These unfortunate typos will have you laughing out loud.
Mistakes that take the cake
The nice thing about the Internet community is that it’s happy to point out our boo-boos. Since 2008, cakewrecks.com has been sharing the foibles of bakers who tend to follow their customers’ instructions to a fault.
She’s adorable when she’s trying to be hip
Humor sites such as boredpanda.com have come to understand and revel in the travails of people of a certain age trying to figure out this newfangled device called the cell phone.
That’s mean! (But he’s got wicked timing)
Check out these other 31 groan-worthy dad jokes that you can’t help but laugh at.
If only Walt Whitman had had Google …
… the poetry he might have created! This inadvertent poetry genre was first shared on googlepoetics.com in 2012. Try it. Simply type in a few words, and let the search engine do the rest.
Giving new life to old yuks
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator, “I think my friend’s dead! What do I do?”
The operator, in a soothing voice, says, “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, and then a shot is heard. The guy comes back on the line: “OK, now what?”
A German shepherd went to a telegram office and wrote, “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”
The clerk examined the paper and told
the dog, “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”
“But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.”
So this British psychiatrist goes online and asks, “What’s the funniest joke of all time?” No, this isn’t a gag. It really happened, in 2002. Almost two million people from more than 70 countries voted on more than 40,000 jokes; participants claimed they laughed loudest at the gags above.
Chuck Norris, back in action
“When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.”
“When the bogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.”
“Chuck Norris counted to infinity … twice.”
“Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.”
“Chuck Norris doesn’t shower; he only takes bloodbaths.”
In 2005, the Internet came to this stunning realization: There is nothing action hero Chuck Norris can’t do! Thus was born the Chuck Norris Fact Generator to celebrate Norris’s feats (albeit hyper-inflated) of derring-do.
The Internet, its own best punchline
“To err is human; to point it out with glee is Internet.”—@aparnapkin (Aparna Nancherla)
“The most uncomfortable moment in my day is the time spent waiting in silence while someone searches for a ‘funny’ YouTube clip I *need* to see.”—@Evan_Hadfield
“Yelp is a fun game where you try to guess between whether a restaurant is bad or a reviewer is crazy.”—@MikeDrucker
“When someone starts a Facebook post with ‘There are no words …’ you’d better get prepared because you’re about to read a lot of words.”—@josievorenkamp
Budding comics found the perfect outlet when Twitter began in 2006—maybe they’ve been looking at these 50 bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at.
Go ahead, razz your customers
“Your time is wasted managing a social media account.”—Consumer to MoonPie’s Twitter account
“Buddy, it’s Saturday night and you’re talking to a marshmallow sandwich on the Internet.”—@MoonPie back to consumer
“Wendy’s needs to get rid of the square burger. It seems a little too … artificial.”—@CooperDFranklin
“Unlike the super natural circle shape that hamburgers come in when you pick them off the vine.” —@Wendys
Lost and found in translation
Thanks to the Internet, we know that Americans aren’t the only ones mangling the English language. These translations, seen on flickr.com and news.3yen.com, need their own interpretations.
Hate your hair? Maybe you’re going to the wrong kind of groomer
“My dog’s ear is like the perfect picture to show your hairdresser if you want beachy waves and caramel highlights.”—@kerbiegibbs
Guy staring at ambulance in front of Whole Foods: “Somebody must have accidentally eaten gluten.”
Bouncer: “Sorry, I need to see an ID.”
Girl: “I told you I’m 30. Why would anyone lie about that?”
Eavesdropping is great sport in many big cities, and there are dozens of sites and social media pages that report the best bits of stolen dialogue from the urban jungle. These come from overheardla.com.
Beloved bad lines
“As a scientist, [Francis] Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the sound chamber, he would never hear the end of it.”
“Corinne considered the colors (palest green, gray, and lavender) and texture (downy as the finest velvet) and wondered, How long have these cold cuts been in my refrigerator?”
The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest celebrates purposely preposterous fiction. Above: winning entries posted online from two past honorees. You won’t want to miss the 47 funniest one-liners on the Internet.