20 Funny Dad Quotes to Use This Father’s Day
Updated: May 26, 2021These funny Father's Day quotes are sure to bring joy to you and your dad.
Picking a day to celebrate dad wasn’t a straightforward journey, as the history of Father’s Day shows. But June 20, 2021, is the day set aside to show your father how much you appreciate him with a thoughtful present from our Father’s Day gift guide, or a sweet Father’s Day card. Of course, it can be hard to figure out what to write in a Father’s Day card. Take inspiration from some moving Father’s Day quotes, or get your dad chuckling with these hilarious quotes from your favorite dad comedians. When does a joke become a dad joke? As soon as it becomes apparent.
Jerry Seinfeld
“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” —Jerry Seinfeld
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Dave Attell
“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” —Dave Attell
Rita Rudner
“I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” —Rita Rudner
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Bob Odenkirk
“My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” —Bob Odenkirk
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Stewart Francis
“Even though I’m proud my dad invented the rear-view mirror, we’re not as close as we appear.” —Stewart Francis
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Jimmy Fallon
“Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.” —Jimmy Fallon
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Rodney Dangerfield
“Me and my dad used to play tag. He’d drive.” —Rodney Dangerfield
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Erma Bombeck
“We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, ‘He wants his mother.'” —Erma Bumbeck
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Clarence Darrow
“The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children.” —Clarence Darrow
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James Breakwell
“Four-year-old: Tell me a scary story! Me: One time little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions. Four-year-old: Why?” —James Breakwell
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Mark Twain
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” —Mark Twain
John Kinnear
“Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets.” —John Kinnear
Jon Stewart
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” —Jon Stewart
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Dave Barry
“Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.” —Dave Barry
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Bill Hicks
“I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say, ‘Yeah? When?’” —Bill Hicks
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Will Arnett
“I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day. If it was socially acceptable, I’d be the first one to have my kid in a full helmet and like a cage across his face mask.” —Will Arnett
Jerry Lewis
“When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, ‘Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?’ He answered, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.'” —Jerry Lewis
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Jim Gaffigan
“Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.” —Jim Gaffigan
Next, check out these Father’s Day activities for bonding time with dad. And don’t forget to browse these Father’s Day gifts for Grandpa!
CMU Unit
