20 Funny Dad Quotes to Use This Father’s Day

Can’t find the right words for dad this Father’s Day? Take inspiration from these funny quotes by the likes of Jon Stewart, Bob Odenkirk, Mark Twain, and more. For additional inspiration, here are 8 wise sayings from everyday dads to make you appreciate your father.

Jerry Seinfeld

“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” —Jerry Seinfeld

These are the 17 father’s day activities your dad will love.

Dave Attell

“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” —Dave Attell

Comedians also give funny advice on parenting that all dads should take to heart.

Rita Rudner

“I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” —Rita Rudner

Here are 11 parents’ quotes that will have you laughing.

Bob Odenkirk

“My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” —Bob Odenkirk

Here are 50 of the funniest jokes ever.

Stewart Francis

“Even though I’m proud my dad invented the rear-view mirror, we’re not as close as we appear.” —Stewart Francis

Here are 50 more amazing dad quotes for Father’s Day.

Jimmy Fallon

“Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business.” —Jimmy Fallon

Here are 75 short jokes anyone can remember.

Rodney Dangerfield

“Me and my dad used to play tag. He’d drive.” —Rodney Dangerfield

Here are more dad jokes to make you giggle and groan.

Erma Bombeck

“We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, ‘He wants his mother.'” —Erma Bumbeck

If you’re looking for words of wisdom, check out funny advice from comedians dads will love.

Clarence Darrow

“The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children.” —Clarence Darrow

If you want more bonding time, try these 17 fun ideas dads and kids love.

James Breakwell

“Four-year-old: Tell me a scary story! Me: One time little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions. Four-year-old: Why?” —James Breakwell

Mark Twain

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” —Mark Twain

John Kinnear

“Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets.” —John Kinnear

Jon Stewart

“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” —Jon Stewart

Dave Barry

“Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.” —Dave Barry

Here are 70 Father’s Day gift ideas every dad would love to have.

Bill Hicks

“I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say, ‘Yeah? When?’” —Bill Hicks

Here are 52 of the worst parenting tips parents always get.

Chris Martin

“Men should always change diapers. It’s a very rewarding experience. It’s mentally cleansing. It’s like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.” —Chris Martin

Here are absolutely brilliant parenting hacks you’ll wish you knew sooner.

Will Arnett

“I want my son to wear a helmet 24 hours a day. If it was socially acceptable, I’d be the first one to have my kid in a full helmet and like a cage across his face mask.” —Will Arnett

Jerry Lewis

“When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, ‘Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?’ He answered, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.'” —Jerry Lewis

Ray Romano

“Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken and there’s a lot of throwing up.” —Ray Romano

Jim Gaffigan

“Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.” —Jim Gaffigan

Next, these 20 dads share the sweetest, most heartwarming Father’s Day gifts they’ve ever received.