10 Funny Jokes About Taxes, Flowers and Warmer Weather

Accounting Methods
My father’s method of accounting for the hundreds of cattle on his ranch was very unique. Every spring, he would move the herd down a long ramp, through a wooden gate and into a holding pen for inspection. As each animal entered the pen, he marked the count on the gate. One summer, he went to the bank to apply for a loan, using his cattle for collateral. The bank officer asked to see his records.

Say It With Flowers
On the first day of our marriage retreat, the instructor talked about the importance of knowing what matters to each other.

Fresh Flowers

There are women whose thoughtful husbands buy them flowers for no reason. And then there’s me. One day I couldn’t stand it any longer.

Pretty Pennies
Q: Who invented copper wire?

A: Two tax attorneys fighting over a penny.

The Mysterious Sender
One morning a customer entered my flower shop and ordered a bouquet for his wife.

Tax Day
Tax day — April 15 — was looming when an elderly woman showed up at my desk at the IRS. She said she required a thick stack of tax forms.

Temperature Rising
Even though it was warm outside, the heat was on full blast in my office at the hospital. So I asked our nursing unit secretary to get someone to fix it. This was a one-man job, so I could not figure out why two guys showed up–until I was handed the maintenance request form. It read

Hot Off the Press
As I stripped off my sweatshirt at the breakfast table one warm morning, my T-shirt started to come off too.

My husband let out a low whistle. I took it as a compliment until he said, from behind his newspaper,

Broken Silence
During a beautiful spring afternoon, I was attending the Cheat River Festival in West Virginia. Just as I stopped to listen to a folk singer, a group of exhibitors, dragging out tools and sawhorses, began setting up their display booth nearby. All their shouting and hammering made it difficult to enjoy the music. The noise they made got louder and even more obnoxious and intrusive as time went on. Finally, to everyone’s relief, they completed the construction. As a finishing touch, they hung a sign on their booth. It read

Public Defender
My father was the presiding judge in a case involving a man charged with tax evasion. As the defendant stood before him alone, Dad asked if he had counsel. Looking toward the ceiling, the man replied,