Share on Facebook

The History of the World in Dumb Jokes

Were you bored silly in civics class? Then you’ll love laughing at Socrates, Lincoln, Caesar, and more.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

Jurassic Period: Dinosaurs


Q: Why can’t you hear a ptero­dactyl go to the bathroom?
A: Because the pee is silent.

These corny jokes will have you laughing all day.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1323 BC: King Tutankhamen Dies

Q: Why was King Tut so irresistible?

A: It was his pharaohmones.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

Circa 469 BC: The Birth of Western Philosophy

Q: Who was Socrates’s worst student?

A: Mediocrities.

Q: Who was his busiest student?

A: The one with a lot on his Plato.

221 BC: China Begins Construction On an Enormous Fortification

Q: Why did Mark Zuckerberg visit Beijing?

A: To see the Great Firewall.

These clever jokes make you sound smart.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

27 BC to AD 476: The Roman Empire

Q: What did Caesar say when his friend asked how many oranges he’d had?

A: “Et two, Brute.”

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

5th Century to 15th Century: The Middle Ages

Q: Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur’s Round Table?

A: Sir Cumference.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

6th Century: First Great Mayan City Reaches Its Peak

“Knock, knock!”

“Who’s there?”

“A Mayan.”

“A Mayan who?”

“A Mayan the way?”

Circa 1275: Europe Meets Asia

Q: Which explorer was the best at hide-and-seek?

A: Marco Polo.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1492: Christopher Columbus Comes to America

Q: What vegetable did Columbus not want on his ship?

A: A leek.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1509: A New Tudor King Is Crowned

Q: Who invented fractions?

A: Henry the 1/8th.

Check out these dog puns that will give you paws.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1620: The Mayflower Arrives at Plymouth Harbor


Q: What did one turkey say to the other when they saw the Pilgrims?

A: They look nice. Maybe they’ll have us over for dinner.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1687: Sir Isaac Newton Publishes His Landmark Book on Physics


Q: What did Newton’s doctor tell him when the apple fell on his head?

A: “I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation.”

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1775: The American Revolution

Q: Who yelled, “Coming are British the”?

A: Paul Reverse.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1789: George Washington Elected President

Q: Why do cherry trees smell?

A: Because George Washington cut one.

These math jokes might just help you ace your next algebra test.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1789: The French Revolution


Q: What happens when a guillotine operator is fired?
A: He gets no severance pay.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1848: The Communist Manifesto Is Published

Q: Why did the Communist fail at school?

A: He got bad Marx.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1861: The War Between the States

Q: Civil War jokes?

A: I General Lee don’t find them funny.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1886: Lady Liberty Is Dedicated

Q: What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?

A: It can’t sit down.

Check out these hilarious jokes from the guys who make America laugh.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1903: First Airplane Flight

Q: Why did Wilbur and Orville invent the airplane?

A: Because if someone else had been first, it wouldn’t have been Wright.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1912: The Titanic Sinks

Q: What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic?

A: Halfway.

1914: World War I

Q: What did the German kaiser roll say to the French baguette?

A: Gluten Tag.

1920: Prohibition

“It’s true, alcohol kills people. But how many are born because of it ?”

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1929: The Stock Market Collapses

Q: How many stockbrokers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to sell it before it crashes.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1961: The Bay of Pigs Invasion

Q: How did Fidel Castro find out about the Bay of Pigs?

A: Someone squealed.

1969: Americans Land on the Moon

The Soviets responded by announcing they would be sending a man to the sun. American engineers objected. “If you send a man to the sun, he will burn up!” The Soviets replied, “What do you think we are, stupid? We’ll send him at night!”

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

1972: Watergate

Q: Did you hear about the new Watergate watch?

A: Both hands always point to Nixon.

Peter Arkle for Reader's Digest

2015: Queen Elizabeth II Becomes Britain’s Longest-Serving Monarch

Q: Why is England the wettest country?

A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!

For more laughs, read these short jokes that anyone can remember.

Originally Published in Reader's Digest