Pony up! Quit stalling and check out these equestrian jokes for unbridled laughs.
Just horsing around
I have a confession: I’m a certifiable horse girl who’s been obsessed with those glorious equines since the first time I saw one galloping across a field. Of course, the second I got into horses, my dad started in with the horse jokes and horse puns, telling me to “quit horsing around” during lessons, and from there he was off to the races. Unfortunately, it turns out that a love of jokes is genetic, so now I also can’t rein it in.
Fast-forward 20 years, and I’m still the person who drops horse jokes and puns into everyday conversation. My friends have learned to brace themselves, and my co-workers know that any meeting with me might include at least one equine-related crack. I can’t help it! When you spend as much time around horses as I do, these jokes practically write themselves.
So saddle up, because I’ve collected the finest (and corniest) horse jokes and puns. Fair warning: Once you start, you might find yourself galloping down a bridle path of equine comedy! (I hope you’re proud, Dad!) Keep reading for the funniest horse jokes out there.
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Horse puns
1. Most people don’t like horse jokes, so I’m going against the rein.
2. A horse painted an artistic masterpiece. It’s a real tour-de-horse.
3. Horses are always spreading gossip. They love to stirrup trouble.
4. Some horses take forever doing their hair. They’re high mane-tenance.
5. I love a good horse pun, but then I’m a little unstable.
6. That meal was Clydes-dale-icious!
7. I’m having a quarter horse-life crisis!
8. I like my mozzarella sticks thoroughly-breaded.
9. Don’t stirrup any drama!
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Funny horse jokes
10. How did the depressed cowboy ride his horse? Saddle-y.
11. What was the racehorse’s favorite type of ice cream?
Sherbet.
12. Why are horses such bad dancers?
They’ve got two left feet.
13. What’s a horse’s favorite song?
“Purple Rein.”
14. What time do horses go to bed?
At knight time.
15. Why are horses terrible at staying up late?
When it’s pasture time, they’re ready to hit the hay.
16. What’s a horse’s favorite food?
Mac-a-pony and cheese.
17. Why don’t horses like indie bands?
They only listen to mane-stream music.
18. Why can’t horses see horror films?
They’ll have nightmares.
19. What did the horse say about his new job?
“The pay isn’t much, but at least it’s stable income.”
20. Who is a horse’s favorite painter?
Mo-neigh.
21. How do horses communicate over long distances?
Horse code.
22. Where do horses go for fun?
Co-neigh Island.
23. Where do horses live Down Under?
Syd-neigh, Australia.
24. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe?
Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
25. Where do horses go when they’re sick?
The horsepital.
26. What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse?
A tale of WHOA!
27. What kind of horse does Dracula ride?
A nightmare.
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Horse knock-knock jokes
28. Knock, knock.
Who’sthere?
Neigh.
Neigh who?
Neighbor Steve, can I borrow some sugar cubes?
29. Knock, knock.
Who’sthere?
Stallion.
Stallion who?
Quit stallion for time. Can I come in already?
30. Knock, knock.
Who’sthere?
Trot.
Trot who?
Trot you’d never answer the door.
31. Knock, knock.
Who’sthere?
Whinny.
Whinny who?
Whinny you gonna open this door?
32. Knock, knock.
Who’sthere?
Appaloosa.
Appaloosa who?
Appaloosa my temper if you leave me standing outside any longer.
33. Knock, knock.
Who’sthere?
Mustang.
Mustang who?
Mustang out with you again soon!
34. Knock, knock.
Who’sthere?
Shetland.
Shetland who?
Shetlanded early. We gotta get to the airport!
35. Knock, knock.
Who’sthere?
Clydesdale.
Clydesdale who?
Clydesdale you the truth, I’m just horsing around!
36. Knock, knock.
Who’sthere?
Bridle.
Bridle who?
Bridle be getting angry soon, so we better get to the wedding!
Why trust us
Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
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