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Joan Rivers: 7 Candid, Hilarious, Unapologetic Quotes

The trailblazing, Emmy award-winning comedian and talk-show host had something to say about everything. Here, we've collected some of her most memorable remarks.

Laura Formisano

The first time I see a jogger smiling…

…I’ll consider it. —Joan Rivers

Laura Formisano

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese.

Most of it’s missing and what’s there stinks. —Joan Rivers

Laura Formisano

I was born in 1962. True.

And the room next to me was 1963. —Joan Rivers

Laura Formisano

I hate housework.

You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. —Joan Rivers

Laura Formisano

People say that money isn’t the key to happiness…

…but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. —Joan Rivers

Laura Formisano

A child of one can be taught not to do certain things…

…such as touch a hot stove, turn on the gas, pull lamps off their tables by their cords, or wake mommy before noon. —Joan Rivers

Laura Formisano

I enjoy life when things are happening.

I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive. Things are happening. —Joan Rivers

Reader's Digest
Originally Published in Reader's Digest