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50 Best Instagram Captions for Gram-Worthy Selfies

A great selfie is 20 percent picture, 80 percent caption. These selfie captions and selfie quotes are perfect for those pictures you know you just have to post.

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Instagram captions for selfies: A guide

In today’s era of selfie saturation, any social media aficionado knows that there’s no one type of selfie. They also know that a selfie is only as good as its funny, memorable caption. Next time you’re staring at the blinking cursor on Instagram’s screen, here are some funny selfie captions, cute selfie captions, and selfie quotes perfect for every type of Gram-worthy shot. Also, consider one of these 40 funny phrases you’ll want to memorize.

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Sexy Instagram captions: When you know your selfie is hot

“How much do I weigh? One hundred and sexy!”

“Shameless self-promotion is an underappreciated art form. Let’s fix that.”

“Brought to you by Spanx and self-confidence.”

“I’ve got it, I’m flaunting it, and you’re liking it.”

“I’m sexy and I know it. And now you do too.”

If you want your pictures to get more likes, make sure you use this color.

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Cute selfie captions: When your selfie is awful but you’re posting it anyway

“Posting this to make everyone else feel better about themselves. You’re welcome.”

“Showing myself at my worst so the next selfie I post, you’ll all be astounded by my stunning transformation.”

“I’m probably going to regret this (in 3…2…1…).”

“My dog dared me.”

“The cat made me do it.”

Find out if you can see who views your Instagram profile.

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Witty Instagram captions: When you think your selfie is fabulous but don’t want to brag

“Woke up like this. (Because I fell asleep in this outfit and makeup.)”

“Some people grow up, I glow up.”

“Oh no, my toddler got my phone, took this perfectly posed (but candid!) picture of me and accidentally posted this, I’m so embarrassed! But really the kid’s kind of a genius, right?”

These 32 funny pictures with captions of people’s pets will make you laugh out loud!

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Workout captions: When your gym selfie is #Goals

“This girl is on fire! (Seriously, my quads are burning)”

“Welcome to the gun show! (So what if mine are of the ‘conceal and carry’ type?)”

“Meet you at the bar(bell)?”

“I go to the gym because clearly my amazing personality deserves a body to go with it.”

“I don’t sweat, I sparkle.”

“I just finished squats—and didn’t toot once!”

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Funny Instagram captions: When your selfie goes horribly wrong

“My life’s purpose is to be a cautionary tale for others.”

“Send in the rescue dogs (preferably the ones with kegs around their necks).”

“Why did no one warn me [eating ice cream/walking the dog/taking a picture with a baby] was so dangerous?”

“It seemed like a good idea at the time. I have terrible judgment.”

No matter how good your selfie (or funny Instagram captions) are, you’ll still be jealous of these perfectly timed photos you’ll wish you took yourself.

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Cute captions: When your selfie is photobombed

“Deploy the secret cuteness weapon—kids!”

“I totally knew that creepy guy was behind me. Sure I did.”

“He said he was Lady Gaga.”

Want your funny Instagram captions to go even further? Here are some influencers’ tips to making money on Instagram.

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Food captions: When your selfie involves delicious food

“I’d hate to get to the end of my life and think ‘I could have eaten that!’ #noregrets”

“How do I like my eggs? In cake.”

“I have hunger management issues.”

“When the waiter asked what I’d like, I handed the menu back and said ‘yes, please!'”

“I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a cupcake.”

“WTF (where’s the food)?”

“Why cake? It’s somebody’s birthday somewhere!”

Make sure you use some food photography tricks to make your selfie stand out.

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Travel captions: When your selfie is in another country and you want people to notice

“Jet lag is for amateurs.”

“This is my road to recovery.”

“The only trip you will regret is the one you don’t take. (Okay, and that trip where you ate the sketchy seafood and couldn’t figure out how to flush the toilets in Morocco.)”

“If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine—it’s lethal. —Paulo Coelho”

“Have you posed by a naked statue today? No, your garden gnome doesn’t count (he has a hat).”

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Sassy Instagram captions: When you want people to notice your new ~look~

“I got a haircut! It went so well I went ahead and had all my hairs cut!”

“I call this the ‘Hey, at least I tried.'”

“At least it’s not a clip-on man bun.”

“Pinterest made me do it.”

While you’re pondering witty Instagram captions, find out these facts you never knew about selfies.

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Couple captions: When you’re updating your relationship status via selfie

“We broke up for religious reasons—he believed he was God and I didn’t.”

“It’s complicated—our drink order, that is. The relationship is great!”

“Does this ring make me look engaged?”

“Another one bites the dust.”

“He, me, and baby make three!”

While you’re posting your selfie captions, just beware of these things you shouldn’t post about your relationship on social media.

 

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Drinking Instagram captions: When your drunk selfie is too hilarious not to post

“The best things in life either make you fat, drunk, or pregnant. I might have accomplished all three.”

“Everyone say. Cheeeeeese….sticks!”

“What tattoo should I get?”

“When people tell me, ‘You’re gonna regret that in the morning,’ I just sleep until noon. I’m a problem solver.”

If you’re regretting posting that drunk photo, here’s how to delete photos from Facebook.

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Funny selfie captions: When your selfie is a joke

“Drunk people, children, and leggings: They don’t lie. Neither does this picture.”

“How do I get out of this glass prison? Won’t someone help me? Please?!”

“No mom, I’m not serious. Please don’t call.”

“Hey don’t be sad! Because sad backwards is das—and das not good!”

Start brainstorming some funny captions with these hilarious photos that will make you laugh out loud.

Charlotte Hilton Andersen
Charlotte Hilton Andersen, BS, MS, has been covering health, fitness, parenting, and culture for many major outlets, both in print and online, for 15 years. She's the author of two books, co-host of the Self Help Obsession podcast, and also does freelance editing and ghostwriting. She has appeared in television news segments for CBS, FOX, and NBC.