25 Funniest Things Said by U.S. Presidents

Best funny president quotes

• “What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.” —Abraham Lincoln, 16th U.S. president 

• “I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.” —Ronald Reagan, 40th U.S. president 

• “I look forward to these dinners where I’m supposed to be funny … intentionally.” —George W. Bush, 43rd U.S. president 

• “I don’t know whether it’s the finest public housing in America or the crown jewel of the American penal system.” —Bill Clinton, 42nd U.S. president 

• “People say I’m indecisive. Well, I don’t know about that.” —George H.W. Bush, 41st U.S. president 

• “Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the National Debt.” —Herbert Hoover, 31st U.S. president 

• “Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for ‘That One.’ And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn’t think I’d ever run for president.” —Barack Obama, 44th U.S. president 

• “My choice early in life was either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. To tell the truth, there’s hardly a difference.” —Harry S. Truman, 33rd U.S. president 

Funny presidential quotes about politics

• “I have a nice home, the office is close by, and the pay is good.” —John F. Kennedy, 35th U.S. president, when asked if he enjoyed being in politics

• “I’ve laid down the law, though, to everyone there from now on about anything that happens, that no matter what time it is, wake me, even if it’s in the middle of a Cabinet meeting.”—Ronald Reagan, 40th U.S. president

• “Did you ever think that making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg?” —Lyndon B. Johnson, 36th U.S. president 

• “My association with radio and TV correspondents has always been an enlightening and educational experience. It’s taught me so many things. For one thing, it taught me always to wear a helmet when taking questions from Tom Brokaw.” —Gerald Ford, 38th U.S. president, at the 1975 Radio and Television Correspondents Association annual dinner

• “My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.” —Jimmy Carter, 39th U.S. president 

• “Please tell me you’re Republicans.” —Ronald Reagan, 40th U.S. president, to surgeons after a failed assassination attempt 

• “Look, this is a man who has great numbers. He talks about numbers. I’m beginning to think not only did he invent the internet, but he invented the calculator.” —George W. Bush, 43rd U.S. president, during a presidential debate with Al Gore, Oct. 3, 2000

• “Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.” —Ronald Reagan, 40th U.S. president 

• “Politics, when I am in it, makes me sick.” —William Howard Taft, 27th U.S. president 

Surprising funny president quotes

• “As to the presidency, the two happiest days of my life were those of my entrance upon the office and my surrender of it.” —Martin Van Buren, eighth U.S. president 

• “I only know two tunes, one of them is ‘Yankee Doodle’ and the other isn’t.” —Ulysses S. Grant, 18th U.S. president 

• “These stories about my intellectual capacity really get under my skin. You know, for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule first thing every morning it said, ‘Intelligence Briefing.'” —George W. Bush, 43rd U.S. president 

• “Popularity may aptly be compared to a coquette—the more you woo her, the more apt is she to elude your embrace.” —John Tyler, 10th U.S. president 

• “I have long enjoyed the friendship and companionship of Republicans because I am by instinct a teacher and I would like to teach them something.” —Woodrow Wilson, 28th U.S. president 

• “Being president is like running a cemetery: You’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.” —Bill Clinton, 42nd U.S. president 

• “I have a lot more material prepared, but I have to get the Secret Service home in time for their new curfew.” —Barack Obama, 44th U.S. president, at the 2012 White House correspondents’ dinner

• “Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.” —Ronald Reagan, 40th U.S. president 

Why trust us

At Reader’s Digest, we’ve been sharing our favorite quotes for over 100 years. The sayings and quips that appear in the magazine’s “Quotable Quotes” (formerly “Remarkable Remarks”) are curated from interviews and essays originally published in the magazine, reprints from trusted titles and other verified sources. For this piece on funny president quotes, Lauren Cahn tapped her experience as an attorney and journalist to ensure that all information is accurate. We’ve gone the extra step and had Ambrose Martose, a fact-checker with 20-plus years of experience researching for national publications including National Geographic Adventure and Popular Mechanics, verify that all of these funny presidential quotes are attributed correctly and have credible sourcing. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.