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9 Things You Should Never Google

Avoid spiraling down the dark hole of Internet searches and creating unnecessary stress for yourself by skipping these keywords.

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Things you don’t want to see in ads later

You may have an odd question about diaper rash ointments for your friend’s baby, but if you Google it, good luck! Chances are, every time you open up a page online, there will be an ad for said diaper rash ointment for weeks to come, so just put that on your list of things not to Google. Want to fix this problem retroactively? Here’s how to see and delete your Google activity.

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Anything that’s going to embarrass you

We all have embarrassing inquiries, but if you’re concerned they could be used against you, say, in a political race, then it’s best not to search Google for it! Even if you permanently delete your search, you’re out of luck according to security experts Svea Eckert and Andreas Dewes, who managed to gather the online habits of some 3,000,000 German citizens without their knowledge, as well as the private web history of prominent public figures, including judges and politicians. Besides that, you really don’t want ads popping up for those embarrassing inquiries, especially if your boss is lurking over your shoulder.

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Anything that’s going to incriminate you

If it’s against the law, it’s probably one of those things not to Google—especially considering what the security experts can do. “It is now a common occurrence for computers to be analyzed along with telephones and for all social media to be interrogated,” explained Brian McConnachie QC, a criminal defense barrister. “It is almost commonplace for there to be reference to at least one of these in any serious trial.” Google can be useful, though–you’ll want to try these Google maps tricks immediately.

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Skin conditions

Wondering what that new blemish on your face is? Don’t google “round, reddish mole.” It will only bring you a whole lot of information and images that relay some pretty disgusting things. Make an appointment with a dermatologist instead. 

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Worms

If you are looking for the best worms for your garden, you’re going to have to be VERY specific with your Google search, otherwise, you’re going to get back some creepy, crawly, and totally disturbing images and information. Find out the funny Google tricks you’ll want to try immediately.

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Whether a product is safe or not

The Internet has A LOT of opinions, with people claiming to be experts on everything. But if you’re wondering if a certain product is safe for your skin, safe to ingest, etc. and you get back a “yes” from some forums and a “no” from others, you might be tempted to swing toward the positive side. It’s best to seek out medical and/or professional advice from the experts and to add this question to your list of things you shouldn’t be Googling. Call your doctor or the company in question.

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Your symptoms

Similar to Googling that weird mole on your face, using the search engine to decipher why your stomach hurts, why you feel tired, or why you’re itchy is going to instill more fear than simply going to see a doctor. Instead, stick to these 12 funny Google searches.

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Your favorite thing + cancer

Cancer is a terrible thing, and it seems so much is linked to it. But did you know that even owning a dog has been linked to cancer?! Yep, there’s research out there that links your precious pup to the disease. But let’s be honest, you’re not going to give up Fido, so why even tempt yourself with a Google search. 

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Translations

How many times have your translations actually panned out when trying them on someone? You likely get a “What?!” from the person you’re trying to impress or communicate with. As the Guardian points out, if the English version of The Girl from Ipanema was translated via Google, you’d get “Girl in the golden body, sun from Ipanema, the it swung its more than a poem.” Nope! Doesn’t make sense. Now, read on for more times people had instant regret while Googling.

Originally Published on The Family Handyman