Think you can get away with using your AirPods at funerals and movie theaters? Think again. Here's how to use yours without looking like a jerk.
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When having a conversation with a real person
Think this is common knowledge? Unfortunately, many people think it’s just fine to leave one or both earbuds in during conversations, says manners expert Amy Alkon, author of Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck. Even if you’ve got the sound turned off, the other person doesn’t know that. Leaving your AirPods in your ears can make others feel like you aren’t really listening, or that you don’t care what they’re saying (which is probably true!). So here’s a key etiquette rule you should always practice: Take out your AirPods when speaking with someone in real life.
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When sharing a song with a friend
Love a song? It’s natural to want to share it with your friend who’s nearby, but the current trend of passing over a single AirPod to give them a listen is rude and, honestly, kinda gross. Although there is the earwax-sharing issue (which can be solved by cleaning them first), the noise issue is more problematic. Chances are you’ve got your volume cranked up louder than you think and when your friend sticks the Pod in their ear, they’ll be blasted away.
“Over time this can cause permanent damage to the hearing of not just you but your friend as well,” says Luqman Lawal, MD, a public health expert formerly with the Starkey Hearing Foundation and currently on the board at Roundtable Rx. If you care about your friend, you should care about their hearing.
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At family gatherings
With the noisy chaos of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and your brother who simply can’t discuss sports without yelling, it can be tempting to take a little break at the holiday gathering by popping in your AirPods.
Resist the urge, Dr. Lawal says. Not only will it make you look rude—your “taking a break” may appear as indifference or disdain to others—but it can be risky for your hearing too. Being in a noisy environment can cause you to crank up your volume even louder than you normally would, he says: “Having the source of the sound in your ear canal can increase a sound’s volume by 6 to 9 [decibels], which can cause eardrum damage.” If you need to get away, step outside for a minute for a breath of fresh air.
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In the library
To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with wearing your AirPods while you do some studying in the library or other quiet venue—as long as you keep your volume low. But too often we think of AirPods as an invisible force field around our heads, and the truth is they are not a sound-proof seal, Dr. Lawal says. In quiet environments, people can often hear what you’re listening to as the sound emanates from the earbuds, which can come off as rude, irritating and distracting.
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At a concert or play
Using ear protection at a concert is smart, Dr. Lawar says, but having your AirPods in during a live performance makes you look like a jerk who can’t be bothered to respect the live people in front of them. Even if they’re not playing anything right at that moment, keeping them in is one of the times AirPods are rude. If you don’t have anything else available and you’re trying to protect your ears at a loud venue, using your AirPods as earplugs is better than nothing. But make sure to explain to your companions what you’re doing.
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At a funeral
Older generations may be baffled at the idea of popping in AirPods as a way to deal with difficult, painful emotions like grief. However, for people who grew up with tech and social media, it can seem perfectly natural to look to them for comfort, says Fran Solomon, a social etiquette expert and founder of HealGrief, an online bereavement support platform.
But while it’s fine to take private solace in your music or a podcast, funeral etiquette dictates that when you’re with others you should remove them. Not only can it make you look rude and uncaring, Solomon says having them in can prevent you from getting the support you need from others and make you feel isolated as well.
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In a church service
You may think you’re paying your dues to God just fine, but you’re not fooling anyone when you’re keeping tabs on the big game in church, says Adeodata Czink, etiquette expert and owner of Toronto-based etiquette consultancy Business of Manners.
Lord knows this is near the top of the list of times AirPods are rude! Czink says whether you’re listening on your AirPods or sneaking peaks at your phone, it’s rude not to be engaged with the people around you—including your pastor. If you have kids, remember that they’re learning from watching you, so teach them some manners by keeping the AirPods in your bag or pocket.
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In a movie theater
Leaving your AirPods in your ears during the movie might not be a huge faux pas, as long as they’re at a low volume or off. (Though why did you buy a ticket?) Unfortunately, that is rarely all that people do with them. Adjusting the volume, skipping songs, answering phone calls—all of these require you to turn on your phone, and your fellow moviegoers will notice.
Do not do this, Czink says. Nothing makes you seem like a jerk than playing on your phone, or heaven forbid, answering a call, during a movie, she says. Trust us, using media in a dark theater is definitely one of the times AirPods are rude, and a lot of theaters have no patience for this. Keep it up and you’ll be out on the street in no time.
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At a restaurant
Grabbing a quick bite at a casual eatery? Fine, leave your AirPods in. But if you’re sharing a meal in a nicer restaurant, leaving your earbuds in is a major no-no, Czink says. Not only does it make your dining companions feel unimportant or ignored, but it makes it hard for the waitstaff to take your order or give you good service. “If whatever is on your phone is more important than the people you are with, maybe you shouldn’t be there,” she says.
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On the subway
Okay, okay, this one is controversial. Nearly everyone these days listens to something or at least scrolls through their phone on public transportation. It can even provide protection from harassment. But wearing your AirPods on the bus or train goes from normal to rude when you use them to ignore others’ polite requests, Czink says.
Whether it’s someone asking if the seat next to you is open, a tourist asking for directions or an elderly person looking to sit down on a full train, it’s good manners to acknowledge them and offer a polite reply, even if you can’t accommodate their request, she says. Ignoring them or simply pointing to your AirPods with an I-can’t-hear-you shrug is rude. People should always be more important than your tech.
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When checking out at the grocery store
Leaving your AirPods in while you do your weekly shopping is something a lot of people do these days, but when it’s time to check out, you need to remember you’re interacting with another human and take them out, Czink says. No, it’s not enough to just remove one or to hit stop. Simply having them in makes you appear rude by making the cashier feel ignored and not worth your time.
About the experts
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Why trust us
Reader’s Digest has published hundreds of etiquette stories that help readers navigate communication in a changing world. We regularly cover topics such as the best messages to send for any occasion, polite habits that aren’t as polite as they seem, email and texting etiquette, business etiquette, tipping etiquette, travel etiquette and more. We’re committed to producing high-quality content by writers with expertise and experience in their field in consultation with relevant, qualified experts. We rely on reputable primary sources, including government and professional organizations and academic institutions as well as our writers’ personal experiences where appropriate. We verify all facts and data, back them with credible sourcing and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. For this piece on the times AirPods are rude, Charlotte Hilton Andersen tapped her experience as a longtime journalist who specializes in etiquette and communication for Reader’s Digest. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Amy Alkon, advice columnist and author of Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck and Going Menopostal
- Fran Solomon, founder and board member of HealGrief
- Luqman Lawal, physician and member of the board of directors at Roundtable Rx
- Adeodata Czink, founder of Business of Manners
