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Top 15 Jokes of 2009

We collected the 15 most-viewed jokes on readersdigest.com in 2009. Read them and laugh.

#1. Duck in a Bar
This duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Do you have any grapes

#2. Useful Ailment
One of my friends, a musician, is always upbeat. Nothing gets her down. But when she developed ringing in one ear, I was concerned it might overwhelm even her. When I asked if her condition was especially annoying to a musician, she shook her head.

#3. Case Study
I was having a drink at a local restaurant with my friend Justin when he spotted an attractive woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering his courage, he approached her and asked,

#4. Pucker Up
One night my friend John and I were sitting at a bar where he used to work, when an attractive woman, a former co-worker, came in and sat next to him. She told him she had just had a fight with her husband, a police officer, and needed to get out of the house for a while.

They had been talking for a few minutes when, as a joke, I leaned over to John.

#5. Bar Order
Three vampires walk into a bar.

#6. Chasers
A sign on Washington’s Route 8, featuring an illustration of a police car with lights flashing, reads

#7. Climate Change
According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years the only chance we’ll have to see a polar bear is in a zoo. So in other words, nothing is going to change.
— Arthur Carlson

#8. Running Away
Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush.

#9. Numbing
At the busy dental office where I work, one patient was always late. Once when I called to confirm an appointment, he said,

#10. At the Bar
Do you serve ladies at this bar?

No, sir, you have to supply your own.
— B. Shafer

#11. Unclean
Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home one evening to tell me he would be late.

#12. Missing Parts

The auto auction I attended was selling cars to benefit charity. Vehicles were classified as either

#13. Misunderstood
Hard to believe, but many of our customers at the bank still don’t know how to swipe their card through the ATM card reader. Because of this, my fellow tellers and I often find ourselves having to explain how it’s done. One teller complained that she kept getting odd looks every time she explained it. I found out why when I overheard her tell one man,

#14. Musical Dummy
My musical director wasn’t happy with the performance of one of our percussionists. Repeated attempts to get the drummer to improve failed. Finally, in front of the orchestra, the director said in frustration,

#15. Coming Soon
When I overheard one of my cashiers tell a customer,

Originally Published in Reader's Digest