What If the Person Who Named Walkie Talkies Named Everything?

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Let’s name things like the Walkie Talkie

A few years back, Reddit user dirtknapp asked the Internet: “What would the person who named Walkie Talkies have named other things?” The answers went on for a smiley whiley—and here are our very favorites.

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Forks would be…

—Reddit user Geta-Ve

Does anyone know where the box of plastic stabby grabbies is? I need one for my salad.

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Spoons would be…

—Reddit user unproperNoun

Please stop slurping your meal off of your soupy scoopy. You’ve probably never heard these funny words before.

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Wigs would be…

—Reddit user betty_netch

Grandpa likes to wear a hairy weary for special occasions because he lost all his real hair.

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Limos would be…

—Reddit user MisterDonkey

Lots of roomy vroomies pulled up to the church to take the wedding party to the reception.

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A defibrillator would be…

—Reddit user whatasteve

Is this building equipped with a hearty starty? You’ll want to start using these hilarious made-up words.

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Computers would be…

—Reddit user IranianGenius

Make sure to bring your starey squaries to lecture today.

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Cruise missiles would be…

—Reddit user sjhock

We saw lots of antique zoomie boomies at the war museum.

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Microwaves would be…

—Reddit user Bronzefeather

The instructions say to cook it in the heatie eaty for four minutes.

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Allergies would be…

—Reddit user dezzawintz

My wheezy sneezies are always so bad this time of year. Here are some words we no longer use (but should!).

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Cowbells would be…

—Reddit user JaiC

Make sure to bring the cattle rattles to the football game so we can cheer on our team.

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Screwdrivers would be…

—Reddit user ShotsGotFired

Is it a Phillips or flat head rightie tighty?

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Socks would be…

—Reddit user Malzahnsvisor

One of the best gifts you can give is feetie heaties. Everyone needs them!