25 Words That Can Make You Instantly Funnier
Cut the malarkey. A few seconds with these words, and you'll be the funniest slangwhanger in all the land.
Don’t say Run away
Ex.: We camped in line for the new iPhone all night, but finally absquatulated when the wolves came out.
Don’t say Brag
Ex.: “I’ve made a tremendous amount of money,” the businessman bloviated to the reporters. “Billions and billions of dollars.”
Don’t call your friend Clumsy
Ex.: “Be careful where you point that musket, you blunderbuss!”
Don’t say Umbrella
Ex.: “You can stand under my bumbershoot,” Rihanna offered as the storm began. “Eh, eh, eh/ Under my bumbershoot.” Here’s more hilarious vintage slang that will make you sound awesome.
Don’t say Cranky
Ex.: The cantankerous old man scowled at his waitress. “This water’s too wet,” he croaked.
Don’t Say Nonsense
Ex.: I try to watch cable news, but everything they say is a load of codswallop. (Also try: Flapdoodle)
Don’t say Queasiness
Ex.: No matter how much I practice beforehand, public speaking on roller coasters always gives me collywobbles! You’ll love these 10 funny spelling mistakes that were actually printed.
Don’t say Disheveled
Ex.: “For some reason,” thought the Tin Man, “passing through airport security always leaves me discombobulated.”
Don’t say Brawl
Ex.: When the Sharks and the Jets accidentally booked the same dance studio, it was an all-out donnybrook. (Also try: Argle-Bargle)
Don’t say Face paint
Ex., as a noun: Pass the fard, Claudette—I’m due onstage any minute!
Ex., as a verb: It looks like someone farded all over that clown’s face.
Don’t call your friend Silly
Ex.: The nuns agreed that sister Maria—late for another mass while off twirling in the Alps—was a true flibbertigibbet. Check out these funny words and phrases that were made up by presidents.
Don’t say Confused
Ex.: Kanye West was plum flummoxed when Beyoncé failed to win Best Female Video in 2009.
Don’t say Ogle
Ex.: Whenever Camilla the chicken passed Gonzo’s door, she felt sure she was being gonzoogled.
Don’t call a teenage boy Awkward
Ex.: As a young hobbledehoy, I failed to get a date until my wedding day.
Don’t say Prison
Ex.: They oughta throw you in the hoosegow, because that outfit is a crime against fashion. Don’t miss these other funny words that sound completely made up.
Don’t say Commotion
Ex.: Fed up with the hurlyburly of city life, The Coens found a nice quiet timeshare on Mars. (Also try: Brouhaha)
Don’t say Fuss
Ex.: There was a great kerfuffle about who should get the diner’s last piece of pie, until we learned it was minced meat.
Don’t say Pamper
Ex.: “I do not mollycoddle my children,” said Molly, tying her 23-year-old son’s shoes. Don’t miss these 20 grammar jokes every word nerd will appreciate.
Don’t say Sissy
Ex.: “Don’t be a namby-pamby, boy. Pick up that chainsaw and cut your father’s hair.”
Don’t say Dishonesty
Ex.: “I’m not voting for anyone,” the millennial oozed. “Politics these days are nothing but skullduggery.” Here are 9 more funny words to improve your vocabulary.
Don’t call someone Profane
Ex.: “I enjoy Lil’ Wayne’s music,” Grandma admitted, “but does he have to be such a slangwhanger?”
Don’t call someone a Pessimist
Ex.: I hate going to the beach with Al Gore; on every sunny day he’s such a smellfungus!
Don’t say Counterclockwise
Ex.: It is a vicious myth that toilet water rotates clockwise in Australia and widdershins in America. Don’t miss these 10 common phrases that sound way funnier in other languages.
Don’t call it an Exit
Ex.: After eating too much buttered popcorn at the circus, Dad promptly sprinted to the vomitory.
Don’t say Exhausted
Ex.: After a long day of hunting, Elmer Fudd was absolutely wabbit. You’ll also want to check out these fancy words that make you sound smarter.