Thinking dating hasn’t changed
iStock/kupicoo Getting back in the dating game after decades of marriage is a challenge for even the most practiced flirt. After my divorce at age 40, I fantasized heading out to bars, whooping it up at late night parties, and endless hours in local coffee shops hoping to catch the eye of the cute guy at the next table. But in reality, I was working full time with a young daughter and didn’t have time for any of that. Instead, I needed the matchmaking to be efficient, so online dating fit the bill—but it only worked once I learned a few tricks. These are the secrets matchmakers won’t tell you for free.
Rushing to jump back in
iStock/michaeljung Going through a divorce can leave you pretty spent. At first, just getting through the day without a meltdown in the bathroom is a miracle—and that’s exactly the wrong time to try to attract a new mate. After some very unsuccessful attempts at readying myself for romance, I realized I was in pretty bad shape and needed to spend time refilling my emotional tank—focusing on my daughter, my job, my friendships, and self-care. “Self-care after a divorce can help you reclaim your sense of worth and value, which can suffer in the aftermath of a split, especially if it was messy,” says Sibel Golden, a psychotherapist and Expressive Arts Therapist in Seattle and founder of Real Food + Real Beauty. “This is a time for healing. Think of it as nurturing yourself with a balance of activities that you enjoy, as well as solitude and introspection.” Here are some things to never do after a breakup, so you can move on properly.