Thinking dating hasn’t changed
Getting back in the dating game after decades of marriage is a challenge for even the most practiced flirt. After my divorce at age 40, I fantasized heading out to bars, whooping it up at late night parties, and endless hours in local coffee shops hoping to catch the eye of the cute guy at the next table. But in reality, I was working full time with a young daughter and didn’t have time for any of that. Instead, I needed the matchmaking to be efficient, so online dating fit the bill—but it only worked once I learned a few tricks.
Using any old photo as your profile pic
When I finally came up for air and felt ready to go for it, I figured authenticity was the best approach. I made the mistake of snapping a quick picture on my cell phone and posting it on a popular dating site. This yielded absolutely zero interest, which was a big blow to my fragile ego at the time. When I complained to a friend, she told that most women have professional photos taken for their online profile. What? No wonder everyone looks amazing! Add to that getting my hair and makeup done, and just like that, the board lit up like the Fourth of July. Golden urges us to think of this photo as the first impression in an interview: You want to wear your best suit and your best smile. Want to take your picture to the next level? Try out a pose with some of these 13 things that are scientifically proven to make you look more attractive.
Not updating your mental checklist
When you’re young and starry-eyed about the future, it’s easy to draw up a checklist of the stellar qualities you’re looking for in Prince Charming: He should be smart, witty with his pick up lines, hot, romantic, with a full head of hair and hopefully rich… But it’s a terrible mistake to think that your values at age 21 are still your values at age 41 (especially the hair part). After sitting across a table from guy after guy, I found myself wondering, “What am I looking for anyway?” “Will I know it when I see it?” “What are the qualities in a partner I desire now, and how are they different from when I was younger?” Returning to the dating scene is definitely a time for taking stock of how things have changed. “Take some time to get to know yourself anew before you put yourself out there again,” Goldin says. “Get that journal out, learn how to meditate, be curious and introspective about your life and where you are right now.”