76 Funny Jokes for Teens That’ll Impress a Tough Crowd

I have four teenagers. And let me tell you, they are a tough crowd. I once started a joke by saying, “Hey, you guys want to hear something funny?” My son retorted, “Your bank account?” I laughed … and cried a little because he wasn’t wrong. That’s raising kids for you! When telling jokes for teens, you have to keep in mind that sometimes (all the time?) you are part of the punchline.

It’s all in good fun, though. And that’s especially true of these jokes for teens. There’s something to hit every kid’s funny bone, from groan-worthy puns to shareable school jokes to wisecracks so clever even older teens will laugh—or at least roll their eyes. If you get to the end of the list and your teen hasn’t laughed once? You have our money-back guarantee … which is zero since this list is free. (You’re welcome.)

Ready to wow ’em with your stellar sense of humor? Read on for the best jokes for teens—and let the belly laughs begin.

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Funny jokes for teens

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• Why do you always see teen girls in odd-numbered groups?
  Because they can’t even.

• Why doesn’t LeBron James ever get sweaty?
  He has so many fans.

• When does a joke become a dad joke?
  When it becomes apparent.

• Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
  Fo’ drizzle.

• What do you call U.S. college students hiking?
  The walking debt.

• How do you think the unthinkable?
  With an itheberg.

• How do you drown a hipster?
  In the mainstream.

• What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
  I don’t know, and I don’t care.

• How do you know when you’re desperate for an answer?
  You look at the second page of Google’s search results.

• What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
  Reali-tea.

• What is the valedictorian’s greatest strength?
  He has a superiority complex. It’s amazing!

• What did the principal say when asked about her biggest weakness?
  “People tell me I’m condescending. That means I talk down to people.”

• Why can’t you trust burritos?
  They always spill the beans.

• Why do ducks have tails?
  To hide their butt quacks.

• You’ve heard of Murphy’s law—anything that can go wrong will go wrong—but do you know Cole’s law?
  Really? It’s just thinly sliced cabbage with dressing.

• Which side of a chicken has more feathers?
  The outside.

• What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

• How did the hipster burn his mouth?
  He ate the pizza before it was cool.

• What did Britney Spears’ punching bag say to the boxer?
  Hit me, baby, one more time.

The teen years are tough. Let your kids indulge their twisted senses of humor by telling a few of these dark jokes too.

School-appropriate jokes for teens

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• What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten and silver?
  SWAG.

• Do you know why I’m not worried about passing math?
  Because it’s as easy as pi.

• Have you seen the constellation Orion’s belt?
  No, it’s just a waist of space.

• Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
  Because it has a silent pee.

• What do you do if life gives you melons?
  Get tested for dyslexia.

• How do you communicate with a fish?
  Drop it a line.

• What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
  I don’t know, but its flag is a huge plus.

• Why can’t T-rex clap their hands?
  Because they’re extinct.

• Why did Harry Potter suddenly go bald in his teens?
  He lost his Hedwig.

• What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
  A carrot.

• What do you call perfumes for teenagers?
  Adolescents.

• What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
  Nothing. You can’t cross a vector and a scalar.

• Why don’t seagulls live by the bay?
  Because then they would be bagels.

• What did the villain say when he saw three holes filled with water?
  “Well, well, well…”

• What did the Jedi say to the cowboy?
  Use the horse.

Unleash your inner ridiculousness (and help your kids wow their teachers) with science jokes that straddle the line between “most likely to succeed” and “class clown.” 

Middle school jokes

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• What did one fish say to the other fish in the tank?
  “You man the guns, and I’ll drive.”

• How many beans should you put in a pot of chili?
  239. One more would be too farty.

• If you have nine apples in one hand and 17 oranges in the other, what do you have?
  Really big hands.

• How do Minecraft players celebrate?
  They throw block parties.

• Why do teens make horrible prisoners?
  Because they keep breaking out!

• What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
  Anyone can roast beef, but no one can pee soup.

• What’s brown and sticky?
  A stick.

• What do preteen ducks hate?
  Voice quacks.

• What do you call an alligator in a vest?
  An investigator

• What is 1,287 + 17 + (3.25 x 87 – 5) ÷ 45?
  A headache.

• What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
  Nacho cheese!

• What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
  “SUPPLIES!”

• Why should you wear glasses to math class?
  Because it helps with division.

• Why do you never see hippos hiding in trees?
  Because they’re just that good at it.

• What do you call a man with no shins?
  Tony

• Why doesn’t a helicopter fly in the morning?
  It’s twirly.

Do you have your middle schooler’s attention? Keep it by telling a few Laffy Taffy jokes that are sure to draw chuckles.

Funny jokes for 11- to 13-year-olds

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• What’s orange and red and full of disappointment?
  School pizza.

• What did the girl do with the locket her boyfriend gave her after they broke up?
  Threw it out. She was a strong, independant woman.

• What do you call security guards working outside Samsung stores?
  Guardians of the Galaxy.

• Where does a five-star general keep his armies?
  In his sleevies.

• If you’re American going into the bathroom and American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you while you’re in the bathroom?
  European.

• The coach says, “We don’t accept time travelers on our team.”
  A time traveler tries out for football.

• What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married?
  Feyoncé.

• How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
  Look for the fresh prints.

• Why should you never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes?
  That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.

• Did you hear about the teen who never grew up?
  His name was Constantine.

• Did you know diarrhea is genetic?
  It runs in your jeans.

• Cow 1: Hey, have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?
  Cow 2: Yeah, it’s a good thing it doesn’t affect us zebras!

• What’s green and smells like hot-pink paint?
  Green paint.

Once you have all of these funny short jokes for teens in your pocket, get your younger children in on the fun with these jokes for kids.

One-liner jokes for teens

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• Am I free tomorrow? No, I’m expensive. Sorry.

• Did you know that boiling a funny bone makes it a laughing stock? That’s humerus.

• My boss told me yesterday, “You shouldn’t dress for the job you have—dress for the job you want.” But when I turned up today in Ghostbusters clothes, he said I was fired. 

• I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger, then it hit me.

• To err is human, but to arr is pirate.

• Did you hear what happened to the guy who lost the whole left side of his body? It’s OK—he’s all right now.

• There are two types of people in the world: Ones who can extrapolate information from incomplete data sets…

• Archeologists in Egypt discovered a mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. It’s a Pharaoh Rocher.

Want more than just jokes for teens? Don’t miss our collection of the all-time funniest one-liners. Try this one on your kids: I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

Knock-knock jokes for teens

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• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Déjà.
  Déjà who?
  Knock, knock.

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Hutch.
  Hutch who?
  Bless you!

• Knock knock.
  Who’s there?
  To
  To who?
  No, it’s “to whom.”

• Knock knock.
  Who’s there?
  The doorbell repairman, duh.

• Knock, knock.
  Who’s there?
  Dishes.
  Dishes who?
  Dishes the best joke I know.

And with those knock-knock jokes for kids, you’ve hit the end of your stand-up routine. Go ahead, take a bow. Teens and tweens make for a tough crowd, but these funny short jokes prove they can laugh … a lot.

Why trust us

Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the past 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and jokes so bad they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.

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