Why is it that every time a grilled chicken salad or some other healthful meal gets added to the lineup of a fast-food restaurant, a new “extreme” item—like a burger with quadruple layers of beef, cheese, and chocolate cake—also appears? Somehow the dark side always wins out.
Cynthia Sass, MPH, RD, New York City–based nutritionist
Take One and Pray in the Morning
There is a push by the managed-care industry to get doctors to change some of their prescriptions. They do this by convincing patients that if their doctors prescribed something else, it would be cheaper for them. It’s certainly cheaper for the insurance company. But now I’m stuck explaining to a patient that baking soda is not the same as Nexium when treating their reflux/heartburn, or that a real antibiotic is more effective than scraping mold off an old piece of bread. Okay, I’m exaggerating. But I’ve seen requests that come close. Something tells me that the insurance company executives get whatever they are prescribed.
Douglas Farrago, MD, editor of Placebo Journal
Purell, I’ve got two words for you: ha and ha. Turns out kids need a little dirt to be healthy. Read the studies coming out—maybe we’re playing it too safe. Is that why everyone’s got an allergy today but didn’t back when we all drank from the same cup and dried our hands on raw hamburger?
“Imagine a touchable world,” goes the Purell slogan. I did. It looks just like this one, except nobody’s chasing us around with a pump full of glop.
Lenore Skenazy, author of Free-Range Kids
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.