15. Say exactly what’s on your mind — sexually, that is. If you’re watching your husband pull out the tree stump in the backyard and you get a certain weakness in your legs watching the sweat roll off his back, tell him. If the sight of your wife comforting your teenage son after his first-ever girlfriend dumped him makes you glad all over again that you married her, tell her. Simply expressing how everyday things make you feel deepens your intimacy when said out loud.
16. Pretend you’ve just met. Remember that weak-in-the-knees, shivers-up-your-back feeling you used to get when you first met? You can have that again. Call her and ask her out on a date. Dress up for lunch with him. Buy new underwear.
17. Create your own intimate rituals. No, we’re not talking about sex. But what about waking him up with a steaming cup of coffee instead of the alarm every morning? What about having a hot bath ready for her in the evening? How about a special dinner out every Tuesday — when most couples are zoned out in front of the TV? Or massaging her feet while you watch a DVD with a big bowl of popcorn? The key is consistency. These are not things you do just once, but over and over again until they become like a secret language between the two of you.
18. Get a massage. Or a pedicure, or a facial, or whatever makes you feel better about yourself. If you take care of your own body, you’re much more likely to be able to enjoy it. Another good way to take care of yourself is exercise. A side benefit for both men and women: better blood flow to crucial organs.
19. Turn the timer on for 15 minutes and talk to him (or her) about anything other than kids, money problems, or work annoyances. Tell him about the dream you had last night. The cute teenager you saw at the diner who reminded you of yourself when you were in high school. The great presentation you made today and how it made you feel. When the timer goes off, it’s your partner’s turn.
20. Go away for a couple of days — by yourself. While you’re away, make a list of all the things you love and like about your partner. Close your eyes and picture yourself making love. Call him/her and have an erotic phone conversation. By the time you get home, you’ll be so greedy for each other that the front hall will look like a king-size mattress.
21. Send the kids away and stay home together. Make love in a different part of the house. It can be as steamy as in your bathtub or as romantic as on a blanket in front of your fireplace.
22. Before you go to bed, take a few minutes to write out a to-do list and a list of your worries. This gets rid of the worries that can often interfere with your ability to relax and become aroused.