Release your need to fix him
One of the most common pitfalls in any committed relationship is assuming that the other person is the one who needs to change. Though it’s tempting to place all of the blame for your relationship troubles on your partner, Andrea Miller, CEO and founder of yourtango.com and author of Radical Acceptance: The Secret to Happy, Lasting Love, believes that one of the best ways to overcome arguments is to stop trying to change your SO. Miller believes that radically accepting those you are in close relationship with reduces tensions and draws you closer to your partner. By releasing yourself from the burden of making your partner your project, you allow yourself to fully accept your loved one, faults and all. This introduces a new dynamic in the relationship, in which both partners feel mutually loved and respected. Here’s more advice to building a happy relationship.
Replace judgment with compassion
Everyone wants to find a relationship that feels completely safe and free of judgment. When partners find themselves clashing repeatedly and judging one another for poor decisions or actions, it only drives a larger wedge between them instead of building intimacy and the ability to be vulnerable. Instead of judging your partner for the way they load the dishwasher, take a moment to remove the judgmental thought and replace it with a sense of gratitude that your partner shares the housework. If you find yourself angry about your partner coming home late from work once again, decide instead to re-frame your thoughts into compassion for him or her, for having such a long day at work. Miller says, “This is the heart of Radical Acceptance. It’s a powerful, beautiful, and, ultimately, transformative practice—emphasis on practice! The key is to commit yourself to this intention and to simply be aware of when you’re being judgmental, and to call yourself out accordingly.” She continues,” I use this with my husband and with all of the other important relationships in my life—especially the ones that press my buttons. I know that when I’m judging someone else, that that negativity is coming right back to me.” Find out the surprising secrets of happily married couples.