Corny Jokes

I went to see the Liberty Bell recently. I don’t know why everyone makes such a big deal about it. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

-Do you think glass coffins will be a success? -Remains to be seen.

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

Q. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? A. Because he just couldn’t see himself doing it.

Q. What happened when one cannibal arrived late to the dinner party? A. The others gave him the cold shoulder.

A burglar stole all the lamps in my house. I know I should be more upset, but I’m absolutely delighted.

I gave my friend an elephant to put in his room. He said, “Thanks.” I said, “Don’t mention it.”

People always tell me I’m condescending. (That means talking down to people.)

I can’t stand Russian nesting dolls. They’re so full of themselves.

Rick Astley will let you borrow most of his Pixar movies, but he’s never gonna give you Up. (Credit: justbadpuns on tumblr)