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Apple and Oranges
Kept Ringing
Not At All Surprised
To Err
Ships Collide
4, 5, 6
Bike Cycle
Lying or Standing
No More Tires
Tree Hands
Save Your Change
Farm Jokes
Day Stealer
Dropped Out
Astaire a Mess
Kind Words
Through the Floorboards
Something Smells
Solar System Party
Fraction Break Up
Cold Blood
Salted Peanuts
Meltdown
Four-Year Gap
Don’t Drink and Driver
Rock Crash
Teddy Dessert
Boiling Away
RIP boiling water—you will be mist.
It’s Still Illegal
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears, my illegal logging business is a success.
End of a Sentence
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail, but apparently you can’t end a sentence with a proposition.
Instrument Sentences
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in sentences often goes undetected.
Taking the Bull’s Pills
Two Brothers
Q: How did the dead brother and his dead brother resemble each other? A: They were dead ringers.
Aim the Shot
Q: What kind of a shot was the dead man? A: He had dead aim.
The Cold Shoulder
Q: What kind of personality did the dead man have? A: He gave you the cold shoulder.
Knew He Was Wrong
Q: Why were the people trying to get the dead man to change his mind? A: Because they knew he was dead wrong.
Cold Feet
Q: Why was the dead man not courageous? A: Because he had cold feet.
A Cold Heart
Q: Why was the dead man insensitive? A: Because he had a cold heart.
Dead Lawyer
Q: How come nobody liked the dead lawyer? A: Because he was rotten to the core.
On Shore
Q: Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
A: They just wash up on shore.
Pirate Payment
Q: How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? A: An arm and a leg.
Smelly Ship
Q: Do you know what stinks about a pirate ship? A: The poop deck.
Pirate Movies
Through a Red Light
The Perfect Fit
Warm Up on the Corner
Q: Why should you sit in a corner when you get cold?
A: Because most corners are 90 degrees.