Awkward silences are the worst! Try these simple, therapist-approved tips for holding up your end of a conversation.
Ask open-ended questions
Make conversations less awkward with this easy tactic. Yes-or-no questions keep conversations from settling into a good flow—or end it before it really starts. The best conversation starters invite answers that require more than one or two words, like “What are you excited about these days?” or “What’s something I don’t know about you?” Compare that with “Did you have a nice weekend?” which can leave you hanging if they just say “yes” or “no” … and then nothing else.
If your conversation partner seems to have trouble asking these types of questions, help them out! Answer whatever they’re asking with more than a word or two, then bounce back with your own open-ended question, like a game of tennis. When you lead by example, chances are the other person will get the hang of it and feel less awkward. Remember: Every question is an opportunity to connect, so don’t waste it.
Share about yourself
While it’s important to be curious about other people, knowing how to keep a conversation going means talking about yourself too. Asking questions without sharing details about yourself is a major etiquette mistake, and it can make you appear cold or distant. People don’t want to feel like they’re being interrogated, and friendships are built on mutual sharing. So don’t be afraid to talk about your life and discuss what’s been exciting or challenging for you lately.
My therapy clients often tell me they worry that new acquaintances will find them uninteresting and annoying, which is why they withhold this sort of information. But excitement is contagious, and it can create positive feelings in a conversation.
One trick could be to imagine you’re catching up with a very close friend. What would you be telling them about? Maybe it’s that presentation you bombed at work, the television show you’re bingeing or the hilarious thing your child said about you to their teacher. If you don’t think it’s too personal (some things should be saved for very close friends), use it in a conversation with a new friend or acquaintance.
Bring up a previous topic
Sometimes, second or third conversations can feel more awkward than that initial one. When you’ve already asked those introductory questions, like where someone is from or what they do for a living, it can be hard to be ready with something new the next time you chat.
To ward off the silence, try following up on things they mentioned in a previous conversation. You could say, “Tell me more about living in Texas” or “What’s a typical day like for you as a nurse?” This will show the other person that you paid attention to what they said in your initial conversation and are invested in hearing more about their life. If you’ve forgotten something they mentioned and need to ask again, simply apologize and ask. No one expects you to remember everything.
Pay attention to your own body language
When you’re talking to someone, make sure that your body language communicates friendliness. If your arms are crossed or you aren’t making eye contact, this sends the signal that you aren’t very interested in hearing what the other person has to say. While that may seem obvious, it’s easy to fall into bad habits like this, especially when you’re nervous. One trick is to keep your hands visible and open—don’t shove them into your pockets or close them into fists. And try not to tap your fingers excessively or touch your face too much, as this can indicate you are bored or nervous.
That said, don’t overdo it with the “attentive” body language either. Excessive eye contact, head nodding or frequent, forced smiles are likely to make things more awkward. How do you know when you’re laying it on too thick? If someone begins looking away, crossing their arms or legs defensively, or losing their train of thought, it could be a sign that you’ve gone overboard and you’re making them uncomfortable. Take a deep breath, and take it down a notch. For the rest of the conversation, try to relax and be present and open.
Engage in a little small talk
When people think about how to keep a conversation going, they often assume they should cut the small talk. Not necessarily. Small talk is an essential part of building a connection with someone. Unlike other primates, who groom each other’s fur to connect, humans use language to create social bonds. A simple question like “How have you been?” or “How was your weekend?” can be the start of a good conversation. Rephrasing them into fuller questions like “What’s the best thing that happened to you this weekend?” or “What’s life throwing at you these days?” can be the start of an even better one.
So be patient if people use small talk, and lean into it yourself. If you find yourself getting bored, try answering questions like “How are you?” a little more authentically, rather than just saying, “Fine” or “Good.” This will help the conversation settle into a good flow.
Talk about something meaningful
While small talk can break the ice and fill in the gaps of an awkward silence, things can get weird again soon if you don’t have anything meatier to talk about. And I have good news: We tend to underestimate how much other people want to hear about our lives. So open up! It’s true that not everyone is going to share your passion for banjo music, but that doesn’t mean they won’t enjoy watching you get excited about it. Life would be boring if we all had the same interests, and you never know when the details of your own life will seem novel to another.
If you’re unsure where to start, try one of these three topics: something interesting you’ve learned recently, something you’ve found challenging in your life lately or something you’ve been working hard on or really care about. These are great starting points for deeper conversations. One caveat: In casual, initial conversations, try to avoid hot-button topics like religion and politics. Let the other person get to know you a little first, and vice versa.
Don’t look at your phone
A recent survey found that in 2026, Americans check their phones an average of 186 times per day—that’s about once every five minutes that you’re awake. Resist the urge when you’re speaking to someone else! Looking at your phone, even briefly, can interrupt the flow of conversation and indicate to the other person that you don’t find them interesting. (Think about how you feel when the tables are turned.) Plus, it makes it hard to pay attention to what the other person is saying.
Phones don’t make the conversation any more enjoyable for you either, researchers confirm. One study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that participants who simply had their phone on the table during a conversation, even if they didn’t look at it, were more distracted and enjoyed the conversation less.
Don’t assume silence means something is wrong
While awkward silences aren’t always comfortable, they’re not necessarily a sign that anything is wrong. In fact, the closer you are with someone, the more silence is an indicator that you have a close connection. Sometimes silence means that a person is simply taking some time to reply. They might be reflecting on something you’ve just said or thinking carefully about their answer to a question.
But if a person has their arms crossed, begins to fidget or turns away from you, that may indicate it’s an awkward silence, not a comfortable one. In that case, don’t hesitate to jump in and use these tips for how to keep a conversation going.
Be authentic
People can sense when we’re trying to pretend to be someone we’re not. If you’re trying too hard to look good or sound smart in a conversation, it will feel anything but natural. For example, if someone asks if you’re familiar with their favorite author, don’t pretend you know who they are. Instead, ask more about why your acquaintance enjoys their writing. Or share about one of your favorite books.
An important note: Authenticity doesn’t mean you should share every thought you have or that you have to be self-deprecating. You just have to be yourself. If you’re trying too hard to say what you think the other person wants you to say, it will lead to awkward pauses. Stay engaged as yourself, and you won’t have to think so hard to fill in the gaps in conversation!
Have a couple of creative questions ready
One great way to keep a conversation from drifting is to have some go-to questions at the ready. You could ask something like, “If you could give an impromptu lecture on any weird topic, what would you choose?” or “If you could go back to school and study any subject, what would you pick?”
To make it seem less random or less prepared, frame it by saying you’ve been pondering this topic lately. Start with something like “I’ve been thinking about what my walk-up music would be if I were a baseball player,” and then ask, “What song would you choose?” You’ll probably get a laugh … and a really interesting answer that could launch into a whole conversation about music, sports or random thoughts!
Be open to new directions in the conversation
While it can be useful to have creative questions in your pocket, try to be open to where a conversation takes you. A conversation isn’t an interview—you have to make space for the other person to ask questions and steer the conversation. If you feel like you’ve been trying too hard to control the conversation, take a step back, and don’t fill any pauses with rambling. Give your conversation partner a chance to lead.
Keep a mental list of reliable topics
When my therapy clients are working on their conversation skills, I often encourage them to keep a mental list of topics they can talk about when a conversation starts to shift into silence. This isn’t a written list they pull out of their pocket, but the questions are ones that are easy to remember in the moment.
Easy conversation topics can include things like books, travel, food, podcasts, clothes and sports. To keep it simple, try choosing two or three topics you can easily remember when you’re feeling anxious. For example, maybe you stick to music, museums or movies—that way it’s easy to remember the three M’s when you’re talking to someone new. You might never need them, but having a list can help you feel confident that you’ll always have something to talk about.
Close the conversation
All conversations come to an end, and there is an art to gracefully exiting a conversation. There’s no need to wait for an awkward silence or let the other person cut the cord. Take the lead and do it yourself. You could say, “It was so great to learn more about you.” If you’d like to talk again, don’t hesitate to say, “Let’s talk again soon” or “I want to hear more about this when we talk again.”
Above all, keep talking with new people, even when you experience an awkward silence or two. Knowing how to keep a conversation going is a skill, and with practice and courage your conversations will start to feel more natural, more interesting and more reflective of who you really are.
Why trust us
For over 100 years, Reader’s Digest has explored the nuances of relationships, working with such luminaries as Dr. Ruth Westheimer, John Gottman, PhD, and Leo Buscaglia (“Dr. Love”). We ran a decade-long relationships column and have published a compendium of features, Love and Marriage: The Reader’s Digest Guide to Intimate Relationships. For this piece on how to keep a conversation going, Kathleen Smith, PhD, author of Everything Isn’t Terrible, tapped her experience as a therapist and relationships writer, and then Judy Ho, PhD, a triple board-certified and licensed clinical and forensic neuropsychologist and the author of , gave it a rigorous review to ensure that all information is accurate and offers the best possible advice to readers. We support this information with credentialed experts and primary sources such as government and professional organizations, peer-reviewed journals and our writers’ personal experience where it enhances the topic. We verify all facts and data and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society of London: “Long gaps between turns are awkward for strangers but not for friends”
- Journal of Experimental Social Psychology: “Smartphone use undermines enjoyment of face-to-face social interactions”
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: “It Doesn’t Hurt to Ask: Question-Asking Increases Liking”
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: “Overly Shallow? Miscalibrated Expectations Create a Barrier to Deeper Conversation”
- Reviews.org: “Cell Phone Usage Statistics: Mornings Are for Notifications”
