1. Some of us get bonuses for making our daily photo quota.
2. Never force your screaming kid onto my lap.
3. Want to have more than just a few seconds with me?â¨
4. I make around $10,000 a season doing this, but cut me some slack.
5. Wondering why both of my white-gloved hands are always where you can see them?
6. Iâm sorry Grandma is in heaven or that Mom and Dad have split up.
7. As a matter of fact, I did go to school for this.
8. I donât have total recall.
9. Those of us with real beards think weâre superior.
10. I see you vigorously nodding your head,
11. Boys tend to give it to you straight.
12. Is Santa real?
13.â¨ Iâve been kicked in the shins, hit in the groin, scratched, bitten, and peed on.
14. Iâm not an orthodontist, either.
15. Nobodyâs facial hair curls like this naturally.â
16. Youâre ruining the fun.
17. Shhhhh, donât tellâ¦
18. Santaâs family almost never gets to spend the holiday with him on Dec. 25.
19. Being Santa can beâ¦complicated.
20. Iâm not a puppy.
21. Very few of us do this full time.
22. Itâs hard not to sweat in our heavy wool suits.
23. Think your childâs request is over-the-top?
24. Speaking of good hygieneâ¦
25. I love the kids, but my favorites are the little old ladies in nursing homes.
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.