The 36 Questions That Can Lead to Love
This quiz from psychologist Arthur Aron has helped boost intimacy between thousands of strangers, resulting in friendship, romance and even marriage
Can you really fall in love with anyone?
In a 1997 study at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, psychologist Arthur Aron explored whether intimacy between two perfect strangers could be accelerated. What he came up with are the following 36 questions that lead to love.
Since Aron created the quiz, he’s even seen it rekindle romance in long-term relationships. “When you’re first in a romantic relationship, there’s an intense excitement. But then you grow used to each other,” Aron told Berkeley News. “If you do something new and challenging, that reminds you of how exciting it can be with your partner. It makes your relationship better.” That’s right—you could fall in love, or fall back in love, by asking and answering these questions. They even work if you’re simply trying to be more romantic with your partner.
It should take about 45 minutes to get through all 36 questions, with each becoming increasingly personal and intense. Looking for something a little lighter? Check out these funny love memes.
A fun one to start: Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?
We’re sure you’d make a great host!
Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Don’t forget to check out some of our favorite quotes from famous people, by the way.
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
No judgment if you’ve done this while making a reservation at a romantic Valentine’s Day restaurant.
What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
Don’t be surprised if it concludes by streaming a fun romantic comedy and snuggling on the couch.
Perhaps the first of the more intimate of these 36 questions to fall in love: When did you last sing to yourself? How about to someone else?
If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Don’t forget to play some brain games and give your mind a workout.
It may surprise you that this question can lead to love: Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
It’s an interesting fact about the person you’re talking to, to say the least.
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
One example: Perhaps you’re both suckers for romance books.
For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Of all these 36 questions that lead to love, this one is one of our favorites to think about! We also enjoy solving these fun love riddles.
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
Not sure? No biggie—try sharing your favorite inspirational quote instead.
What do you value most in a friendship?
What is your most treasured memory?
What is your most terrible memory?
If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
Many romantic relationships start off as friendships. So, what does friendship mean to you?
What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
We’re deep into the more intimate questions that lead to love now! How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”
Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”
For example: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share my love of romance movies.”
If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
Sincerity is attractive, so it’s no wonder this question can lead to love. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
This one allows you to be vulnerable with the other person, which is why it’s one of the 36 questions to fall in love. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
If you’re feeling humorous, try cracking these short jokes.
If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
Last one: Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
And, with that, you’ve completed the 36 questions that can lead to love!
- Berkeley News: “Creating love in the lab: The 36 questions that spark intimacy”