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28 Secrets Cruise Lines Won’t Tell You

The perfect times to book a trip, what "all-inclusive" really means, and more secrets you need to know before setting sail.

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No trip is all-inclusive

That “all-inclusive” rate typically doesn’t include alcohol, tips, shore excursions, Internet, dining outside our dining room, and what you spend on casino or bingo play. And please, do come play: Your odds are often even worse than on land. If you’re going to pay that much, you should at least go on your dream vacation! Find out your ideal destination, based on your zodiac sign.

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Choose your room carefully

Always look at the ship’s deck plan before you choose your cabin. Don’t pick one directly under the gym, the pool deck, the disco, or any late-night venue. Know that if you book a cabin at the front of the ship, you’re going to feel some up-and-down motion. Prone to motion sickness? Here are some smart tricks to not get sick on a cruise.

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Come prepared to charge

If your ship permits it, pack a charging station or a power strip. Many cruise ships still have only one or two outlets per cabin—and that’s not going to cut it. Stash one of those instead of these vacation items you’ll almost always regret packing.

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Leave your car off-site

If you’re arriving by car, do not park in the cruise terminal, which can cost $20 to $30 a day. Off-site lots typically cost half as much, offer shuttle service to port, and have your car waiting with the AC on at trip’s end. While you’re at it, try these other travel hacks to save money on your cruise.

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The threat of sexual assault is real

You’re twice as likely to be sexually assaulted on a cruise as you are on land, a 2011 study found, and two thirds of assailants are crew members. Yet cases are hard to prosecute, with alcohol often involved and police often not on board. Stay safe by sticking with a friend.

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Don’t buy excursion packages from us

Shhh … here’s a secret: You can book many of the same land excursions we offer for a fraction of the cost by arranging them privately with tour companies beforehand. Even better: try exploring these little known cruise ports.

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For God’s sake, wash your hands

There were 11 outbreaks on cruise ships in the first six months of 2016, almost as many as in all of 2015. Most were norovirus, a highly contagious bug that causes stomach cramps, vomiting, and diarrhea.

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We overwork our staff

Thanks to laws that allow us to register our ships in foreign nations, we don’t have to comply with U.S. labor regulations, so crew members typically work 12 to 13 hours every day, with no minimum wage, overtime, or benefits. Don’t be shocked if your service reflects this. On top of that, they have to deal with the craziest things on the job.

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We make our own water

Ever wonder where we get all that freshwater? We make it. That’s right—giant onboard desalination systems remove salt and impurities from ocean water so it’s safe to drink.

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Wait until you reach land to go online

Our Wi-Fi prices can be crazy high for subpar performance. So save your surfing for port days, and ask the crew for the nearest free hot spot. (Since they can’t afford ship Wi-Fi either, crew members flock to Internet cafés when they disembark.)

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The earlier you book, the cheaper

Sorry, procrastinators: Most cruise lines now favor early booking promotions over last-minute deals, and the least expensive rooms sell out first. For the lowest price, book right when we announce an itinerary, often about 18 months out. And don’t miss some do’s and don’ts for booking a cruise, according to travel experts.

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Got robbed? Not our problem

We’re not required to report thefts of less than $10,000, so no one knows how much petty crime really happens on board. But it’s a lot: Leave your valuables at home.

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We can protect you from pirates

We really do train for pirate attacks (even though they’re extremely rare). We can’t share many details, but let’s just say that our ship’s fire hoses are good for more than fighting fires.

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Try to cruise the week of Dec. 15 or Jan. 2

Most people don’t want to travel right before or after the holidays, so we drop our rates to fill our ships. The first week of September is another low-cost option. Avoid traveling during school holidays, especially between Christmas and New Year’s. Bahama cruises are great, but here are 10 other little-known cruises that deserve attention, too.

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We offer more than shuffleboard and bingo

As cruise lines compete to offer the coolest attractions, you can now find zip-lines, bumper cars, ropes courses, rock walls and hair-raising water slides on board. Walk a “plank” on the Norwegian Getaway that hovers 180 feet above the ocean. Or try simulated surfing or skydiving on a Royal Caribbean ship.And just imagine the activities that must be available on the world’s wackiest cruises.

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Keep an eye on your kid in the swimming pool

There have been more than a dozen drownings or near-drownings on cruise ships in recent years, and most ships don’t have lifeguards. Disney is a notable exception; it began hiring guards in late 2013 after a four-year-old nearly drowned on the Disney Fantasy. Worried about the safety and wellbeing of your little ones? Here are the 13 best cruises for kids.

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The ship will leave without you

We may stick around for an extra hour if we’re missing a busload of tourists. But if we’re missing one or two people, we are gone. And if you miss us, it’s on you to find—and pay for—a way to get to our next stop.

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You may not get your luggage right after check-in

Pack a carry-on bag with your bathing suit, a change of clothes, medication, and anything else you’ll need to enjoy those first few hours on board. By the way, make sure you don’t make these suitcase packing mistakes.

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Not everyone on staff is qualified

Don’t be surprised if the ship photographer doesn’t know much about photography or if some of the performers aren’t particularly talented. We hire so many people at such low rates that we’re bound to end up with some inadequate crew members. Things might be better on one of the 10 best cruise lines in the world.

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There’s a hidden bar with cheap drinks just for the crew

Crew members say they do a lot of drinking, partying, and sleeping together to blow off steam. But if you’re thinking of joining them, forget it—fraternizing with guests is the fastest way to get thrown off the ship.

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You can bring your own booze

Most cruise lines allow you to bring one or two bottles of wine onboard, though you will probably have to pay a corkage fee. If you are buying wine onboard, it’s most economical to buy a full bottle, even if you only want one glass. Your waiter can mark it with your name and save it for the next night.

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Yes, people do occasionally fall over the rails

About 20 people a year, according to a website that tracks media reports of passengers overboard. Many of them are either incredibly drunk or they intentionally jump to commit suicide.

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Order however much food you want

Can’t decide between two entrees? Have you always wanted to try escargot? Many passengers don’t know that it’s OK to order more than one appetizer or entree. You can also request seconds or thirds. We’ve had people ask for seven or eight lobster tails on formal nights. Though take it easy for the sake of your healthL here are some good tricks to staying healthy on a cruise despite the abundance of food.

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Wealthy passengers get perks

On Norwegian, luxury travelers can stay in a hidden, keycard-protected area called The Haven that includes a concierge, 24-hour butler service and a pool and restaurant away from the crowds. On other lines, affluent guests get special seats at shows, personalized shore excursions, and a promise that they will never have to wait in line for anything. And just imagine what the perks are like on this luxury cruise line.

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Some ports of call have extremely high crime rates

In Nassau, Bahamas, Americans have been victims of armed robbery and rape and the U.S. Embassy has issued a travel warning. Other ports that have particularly high crime rates include St. Lucia, Honduras, and some parts of Mexico.

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Before you book, check to see if you qualify for any discounts

We may offer them to senior citizens, active or retired military, residents who live the same state as a port city, firefighters, police officers, or teachers. You’ll get lots of extra perks if you’ve traveled with us before. Also ask for a price adjustment or upgrade if the price of your room drops after you book. Then set a “price alert” at cruiseline.com to get notified if the cost of your cruise drops below the level that you paid. Need some booking inspiration? These are the 12 best island vacations to take in the U.S.

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Bring strong magnetic hooks

They’ll stick to the metal walls of your cabin, giving you a handy place to hang your jacket, wet swimsuit and other items to save space.

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Don’t wait to book your next trip

If you love cruising, consider booking your next cruise while you’re onboard your current one. You can get a great deal, and many of us let you change your ship or cruise date—or even cancel—with no penalty as long as you do it by a certain time. Next, check out these cruises with crazy-cool amenities.

Originally Published in Reader's Digest