A Trusted Friend in a Complicated World

The 18 Funniest Things People Have Ever Said—While They Were Sleeping

"Mother! Fetch me my cape!"

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sleep talking
Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com, shutterstock

Can you remember your last somniloquy? Chances are you didn’t deliver it onstage—if you did, the audience would demand their money back—but it was probably an unforgettable performance nonetheless.

Somniloquy” is the technical term for sleep talking, a harmless, unconscious behavior that about 5 percent of adults keep up regularly after childhood. With your mind deep in dreamland and your motor functions edging back into reality, sleep talking is one of those highly bizarre activities that you can do without having any recollection of it. That was certainly the case with these Reddit readers who shared the funniest, most unusual things they ever said (or heard someone else say) while sleep talking. Lucky for us all, there was someone else around to record them. Take it all in—and then tell us your answer.

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What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard someone say in their sleep?

My mum, after falling asleep on the couch: “We’ll need to find a replacement…”

Me: “for what?”

Mum: “Your sister” —Reddit user frankiedarlin

3 / 19

My wife told me last month that while I was sleeping I said, “Set the burrito trap.”

She said she asked me what that was… I have no clue, but would like to know myself. —porkfatrules. Want to be funnier? Here are 6 simple ways to enhance your sense of humor.

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sleep talking 3

My SO does this almost every night: “Baby… if you were a caterpillar…”

Me: “…Yeah?”

Her: “What… what would do you with all those legs?” —basemodel

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I said to my fiancé in my sleep: “I love you because you have such long antennae.” —YodaPie. Then don’t miss these cartoons that are funnier than a stand-up routine.

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sleep talking 5

Once a friend told me that I went on in my sleep about how great Benjamin Franklin was, and referred to him as the “king of kites” more than once.  —Shatakai

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My friend once yelled, “Mother! Fetch me my cape!” to his mother’s bemusement. —PneumaticPtarmigan. Laughing yet? Here are 50 funny work cartoons to get you through the week.

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Just last week, my 8-year-old daughter rolls over in my bed where she’d fallen asleep and said, “mmmmm… I want pizza. (pause) And a beer.” I nearly fell out of bed laughing. —tanyagal2

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My mom told me I once said, “Don’t go to that party R2, they have spaghetti. It’ll mess up your circuits.” Honestly I have no idea. —KingMiguelMCID. 

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My dad was coming out of surgery. Sat up, pointed at my mom and said, “after I get rid of her, I am going to clown school.” He then laid back down and went back to sleep. —danmanne. Learn why you need humor to have a healthy brain.

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I once told my ex I had to push the plants deeper into the plant pots, while simultaneously pushing her out of bed with both hands. —Ninja_Guin

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I once heard a friend say, “Just put it in the washing machine, and all your wishes will come true.” —RelentlessBlount. Not technically inclined? Check out these funny science jokes.

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My boyfriend, who is a horticulture major and works hybridizing roses, suddenly grabbed my arm in his sleep and said in a rather suggestive voice, “Sooo… are any of your seedlings repeat bloomers?” —Reddit User

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From my boyfriend: A really big exasperated sigh followed by “Pants with buttons. GROSS.” —cheshire_brat

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My wife: “It’s OK honey, it’s just the light. You don’t really look like a girl” —lotsalotsacoffee. Learn from the experts with recommendations from the best comedy writers of all time.

16 / 19

My ex talked in her sleep a lot. One time that really stands out, she said, “If you paint it pink, it’ll be worth more and last longer.” —electricballroom. 

17 / 19

Was traveling Australia with my girlfriend. She chuckled and said, “It’s so simple. We get the koalas to do the washing up.” —ashpow. Think animals are funny? Don’t miss these hilarious bird photos.

18 / 19

According to my friends, they had asked me a question not realizing that I was asleep and I responded with, “just put it in the iTunes refrigerator.” —VelocityRAPTOR33

19 / 19

My Dad: “Oh no! Burritoed!” —mandlebar. Then fill your comic arsenal with these short jokes anyone can remember.