Ditty about summer/shutterstockYeah—and here are the worst possible relationship lies you can tell. (By the way, the number one trait women (and men) are looking for when dating is kindness; check out the other top traits. And dishonesty is the absolute worst. While it's a broad term, but any kind of dishonesty should be should be an immediate deal-breaker, according to New York psychotherapist, Melissa Divaris Thompson.
That includes dishonesty about:
- Age: "Who can be interested in a guy who feels the need to misrepresent his age?" asks 51-year old Lara Nolan, who won't date anyone whose actual age turns out to be different from the age on his online dating profile. "What does that say about how he feels about my age? Or aging in general? It's just unacceptable."
- Marital status: It goes without saying that if a married man claims he's single, it's a deal-breaker, but what about a man who claims he's divorced when he's actually only separated? Psychiatrist Susan Edelman, MD, says that's a deal breaker too. Sure, he may "feel" divorced and "feel" like he's ready to move on, but you still have to wonder what else he's being dishonest about.
- Height: It seems pointless to lie about one's height, but it's fairly common for men to add an inch or two in their online profiles. Height can be a deal breaker for some women, says the founder of Elite Dating Managers, who goes by the name "Isabel." But lying about it won't help. It just creates a second deal-breaker.
Not all lies are outright lies, however. Some are lies of omission. "Obviously, being married is a deal-breaker," says 51-year old divorcee, Mia Winner. "But I've learned that with some guys, you actually have to ask before they'll tell you."
Rawpixel.com/shutterstockBeing out of work is a deal-breaker for virtually all of Isabel's clients, and it's not because her clients are gold-diggers. In fact, most of Isabel's clients have great jobs and can provide for themselves. But being unemployed implies that you're not where you want to be. If you're in transition, then it's difficult to truly be available (no matter how much you wish you were or think you are).
If you're a man who's unemployed, however, don't panic, and definitely don't take the first job you're offered, certainly not for the sole purpose of scoring a date.
Lack of ambition
Diego Cervo/shutterstockOne can be employed but still lack ambition, and a lack of ambition is "completely unsexy," says lifestyle and travel blogger Amy Hartle. "You don't have to have incredibly lofty goals, but you must have some goals," Hartle says.
Got goals? Try saying these daily mantras to make them happen.
Nikita Savostikov/shutterstock"Once you score a date, don't be late," says Becky L. Duncan, a single 30-year old online business coach from Chicago. "If you can't show up on time (or text that you're running late) it tells me you're at best, thoughtless and, at worse, self-centered.
Being chronically late is certainly not a laughing matter, but you still might want to check out this funny take on the psychology of lateness.
KieferPix/shutterstock"From time to time the unexpected happens causing us to break a date or other commitment," says Rosalind Sedacca, CLC, "but it it becomes a pattern for your parter, it's a sign to look elsewhere." Dating expert and spiritual consultant, Davida Rappaport, takes a harder line: "If you cancel a date with a woman at the last minute more than once or twice, regardless of the reason: deal-breaker! When a woman has plans to be with a guy, there is only a limited amount of time she is willing to be disappointed."
Date cancelled one too many times? Here are eight ways to meet new people.
Sketchy online behavior
fizkes/shutterstockIf a guy's Instagram feed is full of women he's dated (presumably) in the past or scantily clad party girls, it should be a deal-breaker, according to dating coach, Damona Hoffman. Men like that are almost invariably players. Here are some other social media mistakes that might be ruining your chance at relationship happiness.
Sloppy or bad hygiene
VGstockstudio/shutterstock"Nothing turns off a woman faster than a guy who doesn't take care of himself, and make an effort to look (and smell!) presentable," Hartle observes. Maria LoTempio, a 40-something surgeon in New York concurs: "If a man cannot take pride in the details such as clean clothes, what am I to think how they will deal with organizing and being clean in their surroundings?"
Speaking of a man's surroundings, you might want to take a look at his car. "Whether it's a Mercedes or a Kia, a man should take pride in his car," says dating and relationship expert, Lisa Concepcion. If he doesn't take good care of his car, can you imagine what his bedroom looks like?
It's not just a matter of it being unpleasant, however, according to relationship counselor, Caroline Madden, PhD. "When a man can't seem to take care of himself, it could be a signal that he's looking for someone to take care of him." And that should be a deal-breaker.
When it comes to personal hygiene, more is not always better. Here are the hygiene habits you need, and some you can throw out with the bathwater.
Ivan Kurmyshov/shutterstockA man does not have to be a ripped, pro athlete, says Duncan, the 30-year old single woman from Chicago, but if he's not taking care of his body and his health, he's placing the burden of it on everyone around him. "If you're not investing time into your health and body, it's a huge red flag," agrees dating and relationship expert, Megan Weks. "That lack of self-care is a deal-breaker because it indicates underlying issues, including a lack of self-love."
Are you a guy who can't seem to get yourself motivated to exercise? Here's the secret to loving your workout.
Kryuchka Yaroslav/shutterstock"Yes we like you to look dapper," says Weks, and for good reason. "Studies show that we attribute a lot of good qualities to you if you're dressed well, so why wouldn't a man make the effort? If a man can't be bothered to make that effort, is he worth your effort?" We get it. Dressing badly equals deal breaker.
If you want to make a good impression, you must avoid these outfit mistakes.
His roommate is ... Mom
Pavel Kubarkov/shutterstockIt may sound a bit like the movie, Failure to Launch, in which Sarah Jessica Parker plays a woman who gets paid to help motivate men to move out of Mom's house...but this is a bona fide real-life phenomenon. As hard as it is for some of us to fathom, there are men who continue to live with their moms well into their 20s, 30s, and beyond. And that is a deal-breaker, says actress and filmmaker, Audrey Lorea. "It's not that he lives with his mother so much as it's a symptom of a host of other problems," she explains. These include lack of motivation, co-dependence, emotional immaturity, and a fear of commitment. "Moving out and living on your own is a huge part of personal development, and if a man hasn't taken this leap, you should assume he's stunted in other areas of his life as well."
If you're the mom of a young man, you'd best let him launch. Here's how to get on board with being an empty nester.