Relationship Jokes

Girlfriend: “Am I pretty or ugly?” Boyfriend: “You’re both.” Girlfriend: “What do you mean?” Boyfriend: “You’re pretty ugly.”

Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

My girlfriend said she wanted a perfect holiday, so I had to stay home!

I just ended a long-term relationship today. I’m not too bothered, it wasn’t mine.

Wife: “In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring.” Husband: “I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill.”

Girlfriend: “Am I pretty or ugly?” Boyfriend: “You’re both.” Girlfriend: “What do you mean?” Boyfriend: “You’re pretty ugly.”

Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Wife: “How would you describe me?” Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.” Wife: “What does that mean?” Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.” Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?” Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

I invited my boyfriend to go to the gym with me, but he stood me up. I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.

After waiting two hours for her date, Sarah concluded she’d been stood up. So she changed into pajamas, made some popcorn, and flopped down in front of the TV. Then the doorbell rang—it was her date. He took one look at Sarah and gasped. “You’re still not ready?”