22 Hilarious Lies Parents Told Their Kids
Updated: Dec. 21, 2022
We asked and you answered. These are some of the funniest things you've told your kids to get them to behave (or just make them squirm!).
Someone needs to invent this
“There’s an app that tells me if you really brushed your teeth or not.” — Rob McLean (Parents and kids alike should stop making these common tooth brushing mistakes.)
Funny how there’s never any left…
“When the ice cream truck’s music is on, it means that they are all out of ice cream.” — Kailey N. Restad (We suggest skipping the truck and visiting the best ice cream shop in your state.)
Just a nibble
“McDonald’s cheeseburgers always come with a bite missing.” — Robin Mendez (When your kids’ sides go missing, too, explain the secret ingredient that makes McDonald’s fries so good.)
No more calling “shotgun”
“That it was a law that kids couldn’t sit in the front seat until they were 18. I was tired of the arguing about who got to sit in the front!” — Barbara Spriggs Gill (Find out the real reason we call the front seat “shotgun.”)
Where’s the lion cage?
“I told my son that the pet store was the zoo. It’s so much easier and free to go visit. Got away with it for over three years.” — Kelly Frankenburg
He’s making a list
I told my kids that the star symbol on my phone was actually a snowflake and it was a direct line to Santa if they were naughty. — Julie Thompson Weiss (If your kid is ready for the news, read these gentle ways to reveal the truth about Santa.)
Not-so-happy meal
“That the steering wheel on the car wouldn’t turn, so we had to drive right past McDonald’s.” — Therese Fern
SO not worth the line
“That the characters at Disney World went on a bathroom break so we couldn’t wait in line to see them cause they take a really long time to go.” — Yesenia from Chicago (Use these insider tips to have the best Disney vacation ever.)
Parent privileges
“When they were younger, we told our kids that the ice cream in the big pail/bucket is kid’s ice cream. The more expensive kind like Breyers is ‘adults only’ ice cream.” — Cheryl Thomas Johansen
Our kind of health food
“I told my daughter the flaxseeds in her bread were miniature chocolate chips. She believed it for over a year!” — Monica Kronemeyer DeRegt (We might not convince ourselves to love flax, but at least we know chocolate has these health benefits.)
Remind us never to ask
“My mom told us that round bales of hay are dinosaur turds.” — Melissa Driscoll (Don’t miss these other ridiculous things people believed as kids.)
Safety first
“My girls believed the car would not start until everyone had their seat belt fastened!” — Sharron Price Jones (Check out these car seat rules every parent should know.)
Putting that allowance to use
“My 12-year-old son decided that he was going to run away from home. I told him I was sorry to hear that. He started to pack his things and I told him that it was against the law to take anything that he himself hadn’t purchased. Kind of hard to ‘make it’ on your own with a collection of Britney Spears DVDs, action figures, and MatchBox Cars.” — Renee Matthews Carson
Santa’s always watching
“When my kids were younger, they were under the impression that the security cameras in stores were actually ‘Santa Cams.’ They never misbehaved in a store!” — Jennifer Drake-Addleman
Not true, but not false
“In junior high my son asked me, “Mom, what does ‘PMS’ stand for?” And I answered ‘Poor Mommy Syndrome.’” — Ali Stabley (If your time of the month is miserable, too, try these effective treatments for PMS.)
One good reason to give up dairy
“My dad told me that cheese would grow hair on your chest…I was a 6-year-old girl.” — Betsy Woolford (No promises about your body hair, but find out what really happens when you give up dairy.)
Study hard!
“That I was always number-one in school.” — Wlo Linus (No matter what grades you got, learn the best ways to help your kids with their homework.)
Best behavior
“When they were being naughty I would say to them that the ‘naughty children car’ was coming to take them away. Worked wonders, especially if I heard police or ambulance sirens outside!” — Mel Green (Find out how science debunked lies parents tell.)
Well, it is America’s pastime
“Every kid in America has to sign up to play baseball at least once.” — Donna Kelly Stark (Find out why parents should never tease their children about sports performance.)
If only we had this kind of control
“You have to snap your fingers to get the traffic light to turn green. She believed it until 7, when we told her the truth.” — Tamara Grzetic Saban
Funky food colors
“When my nephew was three years old, he would only eat carrots. So I told him that other veggies are also a carrot but with different colors, and he would gladly eat them all.” — Gojar MC (Don’t miss these other little white lies people tell all the time.)
Taking things literally
“That buffalo wings came from buffalos.” — Renita Hernandez (Learn why actual buffalo meat is a superfood for women.)
Need more entertainment for your children? Try some of these jokes for kids.
