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41 Hilarious Things People Actually Believed as Kids

We asked you, and you answered: Enjoy some of the funniest, most bizarre things you believed were true when you were little.

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Spit ’em out

I believed that if I ate a watermelon seed, a watermelon would grow in my stomach. —Michelle Bradbury

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Back in the day

I believed that people in the past lived in a black and white world because old pictures were only black and white. I even asked my mom how she had a favorite color when she was little, since the only colors to choose from were black and white. —Marianne Baring. Also read these true stories that show just how hilarious parenting is.

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In stitches

I believed that if I played with my belly button I would pop open. I thought that is where we were sewn together. —Cherith Kintigh

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Asparagus rex

I believed that asparagus was made from dinosaurs. The green color of the dinosaur I often saw in a TV commercial and the color of my mom’s asparagus casserole all jumbled together. —LaVerne Cash

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Teaching for a living

I believed that all teachers lived at school. I thought they slept in the classrooms and never went to the bathroom, EVER! —Nadia Cavagliere. Check out more hilarious classroom stories guaranteed to make you laugh.

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Monster bus

I believed that school buses ate the little kids that got on them every morning. I always saw them get picked up, but was never there when they got dropped off. —Patricia Greig King

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The world keeps spinning

I believed that the clouds floating away were actually the earth rotating. —Uma Devanalli. Get a look at some of the funniest things kids have said about nature.

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The stereo people

I believed that when my Dad played the stereo the people singing lived inside of it. I was always curious where they slept, went to the bathroom, and ate. I wanted to pry the speaker open to look inside, but I knew that would get me in a lot of trouble. —Melissa Yingst

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Smile!

I believed that lightning came from the flash of a huge camera in the sky. So, every time I saw lighting I would smile really big. —Jiem Jayno. Don’t miss these quotes about happiness that will make you smile.

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Dairy funny

I believed that white cows made white milk and brown cows made chocolate milk. —Stacy Viskocil Stroud

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You’re kitten!

I believed that all dogs were males and all cats were females. I have no idea where I got that idea. —Mercy Langille

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No ice cream for you

I believed that if the ice cream truck was playing music, it meant that it was out of ice cream. Thanks, Mom. —Rebecca Ahlgrim. This definitely counts as one of the funniest lies parents tell their kids.

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Reach for the stars

I believed that if I went too high on the swing, I would poke a hole in the sky with my feet. —Sylvia Aldrich

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Yum!

I believed that the moon was made of cheese. —Roger Illies

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Good for your eyes

I believed that if I ate a lot of carrots I would be able to see in the dark. —Saria Hansen. Sadly, this is one of the myths parents tell kids that we can debunk.

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Holier than thou

I believed that nuns did not have feet and floated when they went around because they were so sacred and heavenly. —Abegail Maslog

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Swim, baby, swim

I believed that babies did the backstroke in the mothers’ stomachs. I suspect my mom tried to explain amniotic fluid, and I pictured it like a tiny swimming pool. —Kitty Harrison. Read 29 of our favorite funny mom quotes.

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Destroy the evidence

I believed that if I rubbed my fingers endlessly on my daddy’s steering wheel, I could get rid of my fingerprints. This was important, as I was planning to grow up to be a cattle rustler and horse thief. —Karina M. Oishei

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Shrinking house

I believed that the walls in our house creaked at night because the room was shrinking. That’s what my dad told me when I asked him. I worried every time I heard creaking after that. —Claire Lazos. Here are 31 groan-worthy dad jokes that you’ll still laugh at.

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Not that tongue!

I believed that the only tongue was the one in my mouth. So when my mother was teaching me to tie my shoes and she told me to “pull my tongue out,” I started crying. —Lyn Long

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Dream big

I believed the people who told me I could “be anything I wanted,” so I thought I could grow up and be a cat. —Becky Miller McGown

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Light it up

I believed that if you flicked the lights on and off, you could start a fire. —Melissa Alongi Ferdinandsen

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Magic beans

I believed that if I ate peas or beans, they would grow into trees in my stomach and through my mouth. Side effects of reading Jack and the Beanstalk. —Shivika Raina

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Peter Curly-tail?

I believed that instead of an Easter bunny, there was an Easter pig. I went to school and told my class. I will never forgive my dad for telling me that. —Stacy George-Keser. Check out these wrong—but hilarious—test answers from real kids.

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A web of lies

I believed that the spider webs in the basement were “heat” webs. when I was 25, my now ex-wife said of our new place, “The basement has a lot of spider webs.” I said, “Maybe they are heat webs,” but as I said it, it occurred to me that my whole life was a lie. —Jim Moore

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Sleep it off

I believed that my parents drugged us on Christmas Eve. I could stay up any other night, but they gave us hot chocolate after midnight Mass every year, and I couldn’t stay awake. So I assumed they put sleeping medicine in it. —Becky Fletcher

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Mom knows all

I believed that my mom had eyes in the back of her head. She could always see what we were doing in the back seat of the car. —Diane Jack. Check out these cartoons that prove daily life is way funnier than any stand-up routine.

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It sure looks real!

I believed that Barbie’s hair grew just like ours. So I pretended to be a hairdresser and cut my Barbie doll’s hair. —Paula Pestaño

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Father knows best

I believed that be a father you had to be really smart, because my father was brilliant and I thought all other fathers must be too. —Julie Leonard

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Maybe he’s born with it

I believed that football players have their massive shoulders from birth on. —Manuela Reinholz. Babies are hilarious too, as these 40 funny baby photos prove.

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Robot in disguise

I believed that I was a robot, after noticing the sparks of static electricity from my pj’s one night. I thought I was shorting out. I didn’t tell anyone for fear of being thought of as a human imposter. —Traci Washer

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Flat Stanley

I believed that if I put my finger in my belly button, I would go as flat as a pancake. I was in ninth grade when I finally got the nerve to try it. —Cindy Bair Yearsin

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Bugging out

I believed that the little black seeds in strawberries were ant eggs, and if I ate one straight from the vine (we grew our own), the ants would grow inside me. —Lori Houston. Don’t miss these family life cartoons that can make yours seem less crazy.

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Go into the light

I believed that if I prayed into the light beam of a flashlight while looking at the stars, my prayers would reach God and people in heaven faster. —Nuna Katchatag

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Up, up, and away

I believed that if I inhaled the helium from a balloon, I’d float away. —Debra Furphy. Learn the truth about some lies you were told as a kid—that you might still believe.

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Mission to Mars

I believed that my uncle Fred went to the planet Mars for work every day. I ­pictured a spaceship and everything. Then I found out that there is a Mars, Pennsylvania. —Barbara Martin Taylor

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If only

I believed that the nuclear plant near where we grew up was a cloud machine. It had a constant billow of smoke above it, and that’s what my mother told me. I thought it was awesome. —Billie Turner. For more laughs, check out these short jokes anyone can remember.

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Hold onto those Life Savers!

I believed that Life Savers candy kept you alive. My great-grandma gave me a tiny roll of them and told me if you lose your Life Savers, you die. When she died that summer, I told everyone it was because she lost her Life Savers. —Anita Mullins

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Dog eat dog

I believed that the reason dogs smell other dogs’ butts was because years ago there was a big dogfight and they all lost their respective butts. According to my dad, they were always smelling butts in the hope that they would be able to find their own. —Paula Johnston

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The role of a lifetime

I believed that actors dying in movies meant they died in real life too. I imagined they shot all their other movies before dying finally in their final one. —Zarrin Haider

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Master of the trains

I believed that I owned all the cabooses in the world, as evidenced by the fact that caboose engineers always waved to me when I waved to them. Later, when I told my kindergarten teacher that I owned all the cabooses in the world, she told me that simply was not true. —Paula Herrick Shofkom. You won’t want to miss these cute and innocent mistakes that kids have made.