13 Things TSA Security Won’t Tell You

In 2012, the TSA discovered 1,543 firearms during screenings. But it wasn't accomplished without a lot of stress. Here's how you can speed up that dreaded security line.

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I don’t think it makes sense to confiscate your oversize tube of toothpaste either.

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But everything I do is on camera, so even if I disagree with a Transportation Security Administration (TSA) rule, I must enforce it.

We get frustrated when passengers demand that we justify a policy.

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It’s hard to explain why a senior citizen can’t keep his utility knife with a tiny blade, while a 300-pound man fresh out of prison can hop on board with his scissors, toothbrush, and lighter.

Creating the TSA was largely a political decision.

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And many terrorism experts still believe that it doesn’t significantly enhance our security. Police catch murderers, the FBI catches bank robbers, but how many terrorists have been caught by screeners? Zero that we know of.

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The TSA operates with your consent, expressed or implied.

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If you withhold consent, the screening process stops, and you are usually free to leave the airport. Officers may hold you until the police arrive, but ultimately they can do nothing.

Not all passengers are treated the same.

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For years, travelers arriving from a secret list of countries were required to have enhanced screenings, usually a bag search and a full-body pat-down. That list is no longer used, but many TSA officers see a passport from a certain country and still automatically call for a search.

Certain foods look like a bomb.

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If you’re carrying cheese or sausage in your bag, remove it before putting the bag through the X-ray machine. The signature of these items is indistinguishable from explosives.

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You may be exempt from scanning.

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If you’re a child under 12 or at least 75 years old, you don’t need a full-body scan, because your age group poses less of a threat.

We get starstruck too.

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I’ve watched airline executives and even federal security directors scrambling around to impress celebrity fliers with competitive displays of their most expeditious screening.

Want to avoid a pat-down after going through the full-body scanner?

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Don’t wear shirts or pants with extraneous pockets, buttons, or zippers, or anything with sequined bling on it. These items tend to appear suspicious on the scanner, which is programmed to flag anything out of the ordinary.

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Please find another way to smuggle your lizards, snakes, and other illegal pets across a border.

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I once opened a suitcase to find a container of baby vipers hidden in a cosmetics bag.

We used to be able to see a lot on the body scanners.

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Breast implants, hernias, six-pack abs... But new equipment installed over the past year allows us to see only a generic silhouette of a person.

We find the airport security process just as tedious as you do.

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The vast majority of us view our job as a stepping-stone to a better position within the Department of Homeland Security or U.S. Customs and Border Protection.

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We see the good side of people, too.

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Every so often, a woman explains she can’t have the full-body scan by revealing that she’s pregnant. She and her traveling companions stage a mini celebration right there. We call it a “baby shower opt-out.” It’s one of the few heartwarming things we see happen.


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