World’s Dumbest Criminals
According to the bus driver, it was a brutal, unprovoked attack. A woman got on his bus and assaulted him with a half-eaten banana. “I had banana all over me,” he insisted. “On my tie, my shirt, and my eye.” The woman explained that the driver had almost hit her car and that when she entered the bus to rationally discuss the matter, the banana slipped … right into his tie, his shirt, his eye … The court may not have believed that, but it did believe her when she argued that it was “unreasonable that a banana could cause this much damage.” They slapped her with a fine of only about $100. Source: thelocal.se
Most people are smart enough not to wave loaded weapons around in front of the White House. Christopher Briggs isn’t one of them. Briggs was standing in the street just a few hundred yards from the Oval Office when he started strapping on his .45 caliber pistol. Secret Service agents instantly stopped him and found almost 200 rounds of ammunition in his backpack. Briggs was mystified about his arrest. “I was only going to fire a couple of shots,” he said. Source: nbcwashington.com
Philome Cesar decided to represent himself in court against charges of robbery. But his legal skills were on par with his larceny skills. During the trial, he asked a witness to describe the robber’s voice. The response: “He sounded like you.” Ironically, the jury’s decision sounded a lot like “guilty.” Source: mcall.com
A California woman facing nearly five years in prison for forging drug prescriptions brought to court a doctor’s note that suggested her case be postponed for medical reasons. Her request was rejected—the note was a forgery. Source: Yahoo News
Though he pleaded innocent, LaDondrell Montgomery of Houston, Texas, was slapped with a life sentence for armed robbery. But shortly after the trial, his lawyer dug up evidence that would exonerate the man, something Montgomery knew but had completely forgotten: He’d happened to be locked up in jail at the time of the robbery. Source: ABC News
A Chicago man was stopped at a red light. Next to him was a police cruiser. The man leaned over and asked if he was “wanted” by the police. The cops got out of their cruiser to chat with him. That’s when they smelled the sweet aroma of marijuana wafting from his car. That’s also when they noticed the butt of a handgun tucked into the driver’s seat. Further investigation revealed an illegal loaded assault rifle, unregistered weapons, and ammunition. So the answer to his question: Yes. Source: Chicago Tribune
Police in Pico Rivera, California, had an easy time pinning a four-year-old murder on Anthony Garcia. That’s because he pinned it on himself—with an elaborate tattoo on his chest, depicting the killing. Cops noticed the incriminating ink when taking Garcia’s mug shot for a petty crime. The tattoo revealed all the details of the night, from the Christmas lights and bent streetlamp near the liquor store where the body was found to the image of an angry helicopter—Garcia’s nickname was Chopper—machine-gunning the victim. Source: breakingbrown.com
Next: World’s Dumbest Bosses
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.