The 60 Most Ridiculous Excuses People Actually Used to Get out of Work
"Grandma tried to poison me. Again."
An employee couldn’t come in because his llama wouldn’t stop barfing. Here are some really odd and funny excuses ever uttered.
An employee called in sick because he ate cat food instead of tuna and was deathly ill. Still not as bad as the dumbest job applicants of all time.
Stuck on you
An employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn’t get out.
An employee’s wife found out he was cheating, and he had to spend the day retrieving his belongings from the dumpster.
An employee broke his arm reaching to grab a falling sandwich.
What’s your poison?
An employee claimed his grandmother poisoned him with ham. Find out what bosses say the actual best way to call in sick is.
Potential brain damage
The employee said that he couldn’t come to work because his fortune-teller had asked him not to step out of the house or he would suffer a brain hemorrhage.
Blowing the coop
An employee couldn’t come to work because she accidentally got on a plane. Think accepting that excuse is bad? Read these 41 ridiculous things people believed as kids.
Walk of Shame
An employee had a “lucky night” and didn’t know where he was in the morning.
An employee had to attend the funeral of his wife’s cousin’s pet, because he was an uncle and pallbearer.
No way out
An employee said that someone glued her doors and windows shut so she couldn’t leave the house to come to work.
An employee’s false teeth flew out the window while driving down the highway. Don’t miss these 15 bizarre excuses people used in car insurance claims.
An employee refused to come to work because his fish was unwell.
Something in the air
An employee claimed the ozone in the air flattened his tires. It would take the world’s dumbest boss to fall for that.
An employee was bowling the game of his life and couldn’t make it to work.
Show me the money
An employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.
Bad hair day
An employee said bats got in her hair.
An employee said she was bitten by a duck.
An employee was experiencing traumatic stress from a large spider found in her home, and had to stay home to deal with it.
The employee said he’d gotten drunk the night before and was now suffering from a hangover.
An employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry. Make sure you know these “innocent” things you didn’t know could get you fired.
Oh happy day
An employee woke up in a good mood and didn’t want to ruin it.
An employee’s child stuck a mint up his nose and had to go to the ER to remove it. (In this employee’s defense, this is a pretty believable excuse.)
Law and order
An employee’s dead grandmother was being exhumed for a police investigation.
An employee was feeling too upset after watching “The Hunger Games.”
An employee had a headache after going to too many garage sales.
An employee had to mow the lawn to avoid a lawsuit from the Homeowners’ Association.
An employee said a cow broke into her house and she had to wait for the insurance man.
An employee forgot he had been hired for the job. Check out these other outrageous true stories of dumb employees.
An employee couldn’t decide what to wear.
An employee got a cold from a puppy.
The employee insisted he’d locked himself in his house by mistake and that the house did not have any windows to crawl out of.
Leave it to beaver
An employee hurt his back chasing a beaver.
An employee was blocked in by police raiding her home. These have got to be the dumbest laws in every state.
An employee said the meal he cooked for a department potluck didn’t turn out well.
An employee had just put a casserole in the oven.
Let them eat cake
An employee ate too much birthday cake.
An employee had a gall stone they wanted to heal holistically.
An employee called in sick from a bar at 5:00 p.m. the night before. Check out these 13 craziest things drive-through workers have seen on the job.
No concept of time
An employee forgot it wasn’t the weekend.
Can’t see the laptop
An employee put petroleum jelly in their eyes.
Different time zones
An employee said he had to watch a soccer game that was being played in Europe.
Holiday mix up
An employee though Flag Day was a legal holiday.
Too full to move
An employee said his mother made his favorite dish and he ate too much.
An employee has to take his pet turtle to visit the exotic animal clinic.
An employee said the wind blew the deck off their house.
An employee was late because they overslept because their kids changed all the clocks in the house.
Don’t move a muscle
An employee was cornered by a moose.
An employee couldn’t come to work because their mother locked them in a closet.
An employee ordered a pizza that was late being delivered, and they had to be home to accept/pay for it.
Dazzled by the sun
An employee thought the sunrise was so beautiful that they had to stop and take it in.
An employee said their mother-in-law wouldn’t stop talking.
Too good to pass up
An employee was offered a grilled cheese sandwich and couldn’t say no. While you’re at it, learn how to say no politely and firmly in any situation.
An employee said it was too cold to work. Amazing bosses might not let you get away with these excuses for missing work, but they do these things every day.
A male employee claimed he had morning sickness.
Caution! Your beverage is hot
An employee’s coffee was too hot and they couldn’t leave until it cooled off.
Took the road less traveled
An employee was an hour late because an astrologer warned them of a car accident on a major highway, so they took all backroads.
Blame the dog
An employee claims their dog ate their work schedule.
Snoozing on the job
An employee was at their office but fell asleep in the parking lot.
Eyes glued shut
An employee’s fake eyelashes were stuck together.
An employee accidentally drove to their former employer’s location even though they haven’t worked there for five years. Now, check out the craziest things Walmart employees have seen at work.