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25 Funny Love Quotes That Will Give You The Giggles

Love isn't always rainbows and roses. Lighten your day with these quotes about relatable, realistic romances.

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Funny quips about love

Love and laughter go together like peanut butter and jelly. Or maybe sometimes it feels like oil and water. There’s no denying that long-lasting romances come with a heaping helping of ups and downs. So why not make light of the matter?

Since laughter is the best medicine in good times and bad, we’ve rounded up more than two dozen funny love quotes that will make you giggle. From pragmatic views of marriage to silly zingers about romance in old age, we’ve got a list of quips from celebrities and comedians that will make your Valentine’s Day brighter and funnier. Don’t miss these 15 most romantic quotes from books.

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amy schumer Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

When you take a sensible view of romance…

“I love love, and I’m very hopeful and was raised on all the fairy tales everyone else had. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and real princesses get beheaded, so I just have a more realistic take on it.” —Amy Schumer

Actress, comedian Amy Schumer has clearly seen her fair share of fairy tale romances and silly childhood love triangles as this funny love quote surmises. How about you? Can you name all the princes, princesses, and villains? See how high you score on our Disney trivia quiz.

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margaret choJim Steinfeldt/Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

When love is a one-way street…

“Just because you are blind and do not see my beauty does not mean it doesn’t exist.” —Margaret Cho

Stand-up comedian Margaret Cho mixes up a little sass and straight talk in this statement about how love can be blind in more ways than one. Read more inspiring quotes to help you love your body, warts and all.

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natasha leggeroGabriel Olsen/FilmMagic/Getty Images

When love equals brutal honesty…

“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” —Natasha Leggero

Former MTV host and comedian Natasha Leggero knows what makes a true blue friend or lover: honesty! What’s more loving than pointing out the spinach in your teeth or eyeliner smudged down your cheek? Not much. But remember that softening the blow is also acceptable, like with these 5 lies it’s okay to tell your partner.

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jerry seinfeldEmma McIntyre/Getty Images

When experience is the best teacher…

“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” —Jerry Seinfeld

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld, who has been a comedian for more than 30 years, knows what it takes to move from an amateur to a pro. Now that he’s two decades into his marriage, we hope he’s made it past the “novice husband” level! Find more of his signature humor in these 11 classic Seinfeld quotes.

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will ferrellRich Polk/Getty Images

When you want to see what your partner’s really made of…

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

Actor Will Ferrell knows a thing or two about pushing people’s buttons. In this funny love quote, Ferrell suggests testing your mate’s patience before putting a ring on it.

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lewis blackPaul Morigi/Getty Images

When you’re working on self-love this Valentine’s Day…

“If you’re working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That’s why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat.” —Lewis Black

Comedian Lewis Black doesn’t hold back from poking fun at gym rats or selfie addicts in this funny love quote, but that doesn’t mean you can’t indulge in a little self-care this year. To help, we’ve rounded up 53 purchases that will take your life and self-care to the next level in 2020.

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george burnsPaul Natkin/Getty Images

When love is persistent…

“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” —George Burns

Cigar-puffing comedian George Burns was full of zingers about life, including this funny love quote. But all that back-aching love must have done some good: He lived to age 100, dying in his Beverly Hills home in 1996.

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demetri martinDia Dipasupil/Getty Images

When you’d love a bouquet of roses…

“I think it’s weird when you give someone flowers…Really saying here you go, now watch these die, cause I like you. I feel like you should give someone flowers if you want to threaten them, here you’re next. Better put your feet in water ’cause I’m coming for you.” —Demetri Martin

The Daily Show contributor Demetri Martin is well into his second marriage, so maybe he does have a few tricks up his sleeve for the rest of us. But the question remains: If not flowers, what does he give his wife on Valentine’s Day? Perhaps one of these best Valentine’s Day gifts of all time.

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jerry seinfeldMike Pont/WireImage/Getty Images

When you’re thinking deep thoughts at a wedding…

“I was the best man to a wedding one time…I thought, best man…If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?” —Jerry Seinfeld

Good question, Jerry! Why not take a page from the other side of the aisle and call your best male friend “the man of honor” or “groom’s man” instead? Wedding titles and traditions are fascinating. Read more about these lucky wedding traditions from around the world.

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chris rockAmy Sussman/Getty Images

When you’re debating the merits of marriage…

“You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain’t no happiness nowhere.” —Chris Rock

Sorry, Chris Rock, you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. But as the stand-up comedian’s funny love quote shows, there’s a lot to giggle about whether you’re in love or happily single. Married in 1996 and divorced 20 years later, he has lived through the laughter and tears of both scenarios. The father of two would also approve of these funny quotes about parenthood that will make you laugh until you cry.

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ray romanoMike Coppola/Getty Images

When you just need space…

“For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to say married, get two.” —Ray Romano

Comedian Ray Romano might not speak for all couples, but he has netted thousands of fans with his portrayal of a befuddled-yet-loving husband in the dysfunctional family in Everybody Loves Raymond. Whether you and your sweetheart prefer cuddling on a full bed or a king-sized mattress, read these tips for how to make your bed and bedroom cozier.

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robin williamsPeter Kramer/Getty Images

When your disagreement turns passive-aggressive…

“A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills—no, no. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.” —Robin Williams

The late Robin Williams possessed the kind of heartwarming-yet-incisive humor that will make you chuckle even during a marital spat. While fighting isn’t always a laughing matter, sometimes a little perspective is enough to make you shrug it off and chuckle.

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rita rudnerCindy Ord/Getty Images

When you’re squabbling over the little things…

“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

Comedian Rita Rudner sums up one of the best and worst things about a long-term relationship: you’re familiar enough with your sweetheart to push each other’s buttons! From thermostat wars to leaving dirty socks in a pile on the bedroom floor, little annoyances can stir up angst. So why not blow off some steam, throw up your hands, and giggle about it once in a while? By the way, don’t miss these funny relationship tweets.

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mindy kaling Steve Granitz/WireImage/Getty Images

When love requires sacrifice…

“True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.” —Mindy Kaling

Unless you have a four-octave vocal range, Mindy Kaling’s tweet about love and self-sabotage hits the nail on the head. What could possibly be sweeter than sacrificing your own stage presence to help your partner shine? These 10 romantic lines of poetry will make your partner swoon.

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amy poehlerEmma McIntyre/Getty Images

When love is a little bit terrifying…

“Being in love is the worst. I mean it’s the best, but it’s so hard and scary to open your heart to someone.” —Amy Poehler

Amy Poehler’s sentiment that love is equal parts scary and wonderful captures the essence of falling head-over-heels for the first time. It’s funny because it’s true. Read these 49 more quotes about falling in love.

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gwyneth paltrowTheo Wargo/WireImage/Getty Images

When love’s timing is just right…

“I asked my dad once, ‘How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?’ And he said, ‘Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.'” —Gwyneth Paltrow

Actress Gwyneth Paltrow once told that she went to her father for relationship advice and received this quote in return. His answer might make you laugh, but it’s also a perfect example of the old adage, “It takes two!” Read more practical advice from happy couples to uncover the secrets behind long-lasting marriages.

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busy philippsDimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images

When time takes a toll…

“The day when my wedding rings fit again, I will throw a party.” #WeCan’tAllBePrincessKate —Busy Philipps
Maybe you can relate to this quippy tweet from actress Busy Philipps about the challenge of getting your rings to fit post-baby. But even if your rings and wedding dress still fit, time could mark yous relationship in other ways. Maybe date nights have started to feel humdrum. Maybe it takes more effort to keep the spark alive. But the beauty of marriage is that it lasts through good times and bad. Keep the giggles coming with these hilariously true cartoons about wedded bliss.

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chrissy teigenAxelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic/Getty Images

When your sweetheart plans ahead…

“I always have a note in my pocket that says ‘John did it’ just in case I’m murdered because I don’t want him to remarry.” #truelove #tips —Chrissy Teigen
John Legend’s legendary bride, Chrissy Teigen, doesn’t mince words when it comes to her postmortem wishes. She’s not going to let him move on easily. Don’t miss 25 of the best gifts for him.

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andy richterGabriel Olsen/FilmMagic/Getty Images

When you don’t see eye to eye…

“My wife & I have been married for 21 yrs, & without a doubt, the hardest times we’ve faced were those times when we hated each other.” —Andy Richter

Comedian Andy Richter keeps it real and humorous with his simple reflection on a long marriage. The good news is that hatred doesn’t mean the end of love. Sometimes disagreements lead to healthier communication. In fact, these arguments are actually very normal in most relationships.

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conan obrienMichael Kovac/Getty Images

When you don’t look your best…

“My wife reported a creepy clown sighting in our bedroom, but I was in there and I didn’t see anything.” —Conan O’Brien

Comedian Conan O’Brien doesn’t shy away from self-deprecating humor now and then—and apparently neither does his wife! But summing up life and love in snappy statements is part of the comedian’s signature humor. In fact, O’Brien is an expert in one-line zingers.

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kristen bellAmy Sussman/Getty Images

When you’re growing old together…

“I’d like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day…” —Kristen Bell

If you can’t cry about it, laugh about it, right? Though she knows romance changes in old age, actress Kristen Bell has shown that she plans to age with humor and grace.

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ray romanoFrazer Harrison/Getty Images

When reliability is your most attractive quality…

“Look, you want to know what marriage is really like? Fine. You wake up, she’s there. You come back from work, she’s there. You fall asleep, she’s there. You eat dinner, she’s there. You know? I mean, I know that sounds like a bad thing, but it’s not.” —Ray Romano

In this little monologue, Romano hits the nail on the head. Maybe predictability is the key to lasting romance. So the next time you’re tempted to believe your reliable romance has gotten a bit tired, shake up your routine by scrolling through these funny love quotes that are actually true.

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lucille ballHulton Archive/Getty Images

When love comes softly…

“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” —Lucille Ball

Television icon Lucille Ball cracked hundreds of jokes in her lifetime. This one about her love life made more than a few people giggle. Love isn’t always immediate. It isn’t always fireworks. But however suddenly or slowly love creeps in, these are the signs your relationship will last.

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mae westJohn Springer Collection/Corbis/Getty Images

When looks matter…

“Love thy neighbor — and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.” —Mae West

Old Hollywood actress and entertainer Mae West didn’t hide the fact that attractiveness scored high on her list of qualities in a partner. Judging a book by its cover might seem shallow, but you probably do it too. And if you’re on the prowl to catch someone’s eye, read about the one trait that could make you more attractive.

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When you need to do a double-take…

“A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.” —Friedrich Nietzsche attributes this witty quip to philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. Though he proposed three times to the same woman, he never did make it to the altar. Perhaps he would have had better luck putting the rose-colored glasses back on and looking elsewhere. Here are 10 timely tips for finding your own love and happiness.

Leandra Beabout
Leandra Beabout is a freelance journalist and branded content writer with a BA in English education from Indiana University. She writes about travel, health, and literature for Reader's Digest, Lonely Planet, CNN, and Literary Hub, among other publications. She is also a regular contributor to Leandra is based in Indiana. Follow her on Instagram @LeandraBeabout and LinkedIn Leandrabeabout

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