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25 Hilarious Animal Names That Are Way Better Than the Real Ones

Honestly, someone get me in touch with the CEO of naming things.

Portrait of LynxTambako the Jaguar/Getty Images

Let me upgrade you

Did anyone consult with the animals prior to naming them? Imagine being called a sea ravioli while other animals get to be called things like “sable” and “lynx.” What kind of perverse name lottery is this?

Aggressive scorpionEcoPic/Getty Images

Scorpion: Air fried lobster

Seriously! It’s just a lobster that’s been overcooked a bit, the sand is just a little hotter. Tad dry for my taste. Here are 50 funny animal pictures you need in your life.

American Bison Standing On FieldTami Morrissey / EyeEm/Getty Images

Buffalo: Fluffalo

This was a serious, serious oversight in the naming department. Someone’s getting fired. If you thought that pun was on the nose, then these dog puns will definitely give you paws.

Capybara with Tyrant HitchhikerJoe McDonald/Getty Images

Capybara: Guinea big

Capybaras are the biggest rodent on earth—beavers stay coming in second place. They are also closely related to actual guinea pigs, so this is especially fitting.

Close-Up Of Peacock With Fanned Out FeathersJohannes Spahn / EyeEm/Getty Images

Peacock: God’s favorite

Imagine your defining characteristic as an animal being that you are just so beautiful? Like that’s just your thing? It’s like peacocks showed up refreshed and chipper at 7 a.m. at the beauty store while everyone else stumbled in tired and hungover. That’s why they’re allowed to just roam all over zoos and the other animals can’t. Here are 10 of the craziest things zookeepers have seen on the job.

Nine-banded Armadillo (Dasypus novemcinctus) walking through grass, Florida, USAEnrique Aguirre Aves/Getty Images

Armadillo: Possums on the half shell

Do you know how hermit crabs outgrow their shells and scuttle nude to find a new one? That’s what possums do with oyster shells to evolve into armadillos. That being said, DO NOT EAT THEM!

Eastern Hognose Snake Fakes Death With Oscar - Worthy PerformanceBarcroft Media/Getty Images

Eastern Hognose Snake: Mood snake

These snakes will roll over and do absolutely everything in their power to convince you they are dead when threatened, to which some might say, “same.” Check out the strangest animals found in every state.

Crinoid hover over Reef, Comantheria sp., Alam Batu, Bali, Indonesiaullstein bild/Getty Images

Crinoid: Fashion fern

Crinoids may be in the starfish family, but they’ll be damned if starfishes are the only stars in this fish family. These things glamourous and they will let you know it. 

Horseshoe Crab Heading to the Water after Laying EggsGregory Adams/Getty Images

Horseshoe crab: Ocean Roomba

These things are just scooting around the ocean floor: *vroooooooom* *bonk* *swivel*.

Kangaroo Carrying Joey On FieldRene Becerril / EyeEm/Getty Images

Kangaroo: Hop pocket

Did you hear the lady singing the tune from the commercial as you read this?

A Friendly Seal Looking Into The Camera Lens While Resting On The GrassNick Hirst / EyeEm/Getty Images

Seal: Labrador deceiver

I own a black lab and it’s just…something about the cranium. Very bulbous in canine and seal pup alike. Wide, shiny eyes just begging for a kipper. Are these 32 hilarious photos of cats and dogs or cats and seals? I don’t know!

Southern Stingrays Swimming at Stingray CityPaul Souders/Getty Images

Sting Ray: Sea ravioli

Stingrays are actually also stuffed with parmesan and ricotta cheese as well. Just kidding! They’re not. I think I’m kidding, anyway. I’ve actually never seen inside a sting ray myself. Very well could be.

Group of Swaledale sheep in a field in North Yorkshire.Photos by R A Kearton/Getty Images

Sheep: Hooven cloud

Imagine if clouds made hoof sounds as the moved across the sky. It’s an especially windy day and you just hear clip-clop clip-clop clip-clop across the sky. In fact, sheep are one of five animals with funny odd jobs, as if they didn’t already pull their weight and then some around here!

PangolinUniquesafarieye/Getty Images

Pangolin: Artichoke on the edge

This is exactly what it would look like if an artichoke could get up and run away from you. Pangolins can only run 3 mph, but gosh dang it, they’ll leave you in the dust. 

Mole Talpa europaeaMiroslav Hlavko/Getty Images

Mole: Count Tymole Rugen

For those who don’t know, Count Tyron Rugen is the man who killed Inigo Montoya’s father in The Princess Bride. This is a more fitting name for moles because even though it does actually have five fingers, that is simply too many fingers for them to have.

Germany Berlin Charlottenburg (Charlottenburg-Wilmersdorf) - Alpaca (Vicugna pacos), in the Berlin Zooullstein bild/Getty Images

Llama: Scene horse

Someone take this dude to Hot Topic! This dude wears brightly colored skinny jeans and band T-shirts to the mall every Saturday. They belong at the food court, not the farm—though here are 45 hilarious farm animals that’ll make you laugh anyway.

Crocodile in The Sundarbans, BangladeshAndrea Pistolesi/Getty Images

Crocodile: Too big lizard

Honestly, crocodiles are just lizards. They have arms and legs and tails like the rest of them! And they have absolutely no business being as big as they are. 

Canada Goose (Branta canadensis) attacking rivalNigeldowsett/Getty Images

Goose: Terror duck

Geese are a threat to national security. All of Canada’s hate is stored in their geese.

wild cobra spreading the hoodPhotostriker/Getty Images

Cobra: Slippery kite face

Seriously. Grab a cobra by the tail and start running with it on a windy day and it’ll provide hours of beachfront entertainment.

Octopus In ActionNikos Stavrinidis / 500px/Getty Images

Octopus: Little miss arms

Another one that doesn’t have any business doing what it does. What do you need all those arms for? And with all those suction cups? Asking for trouble. 

Close up of sea turtle in the Caribbean seaMatteo Colombo/Getty Images

Turtles: Should sink but doesn’t

It absolutely blows my mind that turtles are aquatic creatures and as athletic as they are in the water. Look at them. They should sink like a rock. But they do not.

US-SCIENCE-ASIAN HORNETSELAINE THOMPSON/Getty Images

Murder hornets: Murder hornets

Just kidding! These are real, as we all know now. Life imitates memes Here are 25 hilarious jokes people have already made about them.

Brown Chihuahua snarling with teeth showingMichelle Kelley Photography/Getty Images

Chihuahua: Land piranha

They go into a frenzy like one if they smell a drop of blood or even just fear, I can tell you that firsthand lads and ladies!

Dr. Bhagavan Antle With Hercules The LigerBoston Globe/Getty Images

Liger: Absolute kitty unit

This is Hercules, a captive liger at the Myrtle Beach Safari in South Carolina. He is the largest living cats in the world, and according to one Reddit user, an “absolute kitty unit.” Too big to be one of these 25 cats working from home though. There’s not a home office in the world that can contain him.

Ecuador, Galapagos Islands, Floreana, Punta Cormorant, two pink flamingos walking side by side in a lagoonWestend61/Getty Images

Flamingos: Safari it-girls

Flamingos are ostriches’ trendy younger sister. She’s more fashionable but she’s also really nice about it. She’s in a sorority but will absolutely destroy anyone who tries to make fun of her ostrich art department sister. Here are 22 hilarious bird photos you just can’t miss.

Rhinoceros On Grassy FieldStephen Medway / EyeEm/Getty Images

Rhino: Armor chonk

Rhinos are so CUTE, and I don’t care if you disagree with me. Look at it. It’s a sweetheart in a suit of armor. Anyone who fawns over a puppy but not a rhino is incorrect. Here are 60 adorable animal photos—rhinos deserve to be in there!