Editor’s note: Begin each of these pirate jokes with a hearty “YARRRR” for best results.
Q: Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
A: Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
Q: Why is pirating so addictive?
A: They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
Q: How do pirates know that they are pirates?
A: They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!
If you like these pirate jokes, try out these bad jokes ye can’t help but laugh at.
Q: What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
A: He got marooned.
Q: How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?
A: He bought it on sail. (Ahoy! Check out the punniest news headlines of 2019)
Q: What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
A: 8 pirates.
Q: What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
A: A rookie.
Q: What did the ocean say to the pirate?
A: Nothing, it just waved.
Q: What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
A: One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.
Q: What does a dyslexic pirate say?
If yer kids arrr fans of these pirate jokes, try teaching ’em these other clean, kid-friendly jokes that’ll get the whole family laughing.
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C.
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.
Q: How much did the pirate pay for his piercings?
A: A buck-an-ear.
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Q: How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
A: An arm and a leg.
Q: Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
A: Right where ye left him.
Q: How do pirates prefer to communicate?
A: Aye to aye!
Q: How do ye turn a pirate furious?
A: Take away the “p.”
Q: Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?
A: Because he was standing on the deck.
Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.
Q: What does a vegan pirate do in jail?
Q: What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
A: I, I, R, and the seven C’s!
Q. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise?
A. The plank!
Q. What did the pirate wear on Halloween?
A. A pumpkin patch.
Q. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?
A. Captain Hooky!
Q. What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian?
A. Aye matey years old!
Are ye still standing? Check out these corny jokes, plus learn why we celebrate funny holidays like Talk Like a Pirate Day in the first place!